Understanding The Drama In Life

As I was flipping through my books today, I received a text message on my phone from my beloved cousin, wishing me Salam Aidilfitri. It has been some time since I last heard from her, due to our tight schedule and stuffs, especially her nature of work. It was a pleasant feeling having to receive news from someone that you have not heard for quite awhile. Your message, Yana, somehow triggers me to walk down the memory lane… Remember the time when we were young? The four of us, you, our 2 younger sisters that possess the same name, and I, were extremely close at that time. Speaking of names, I can still remember the name you used to call me. I hate it when you call me "Sneezy Suzy" even though it rhymes. Makes me sound like one of the seven dwarfs of Snow White's. But I think it sounds cute now even though I don't sneeze that much anymore. We would never miss the chance of meeting each other each time during the school holidays. I simply love our “tour” around the campu...

There has been no class since Monday. It’s the study week. The final exam is just around the corner. But why do I feel this way? I know I am not prepared and yet I don’t feel like doing my revision at all. Why do I have to feel sorry for everyone and let others hurt me as they please? Many things have been bothering me. God, I need to stay focus!! I don’t even know how to express it here!! Feel like…s***! Can’t wait to end my short sem next year. I need to “disappear” for a moment. Away from everyone I know, away from my “housemate” especially. For tonight, I need to rest in peace for it’s going to be another long day tomorrow. I miss the moon.

Sitting in my room, feeling trapped as usual. I don't feel like doing my revision tonight. I am feeling sick and depressed. The song on the radio catches my attention. I wish I can download the song here on this page of mine. Its title is "Enggan" which means "Do not want to". I am not sure who the composer is, but she/he sure writes beautiful love songs. Anyways, here is the lyrics that I found here in the net. Enggan berterusan Dalam penasaran Dalam kegelapan ku tercari Enggan ku mencari Dalam penyiksaan Kini cinta ku masih gelisah... Enggan dipersia, enggan berkelana Semarak cinta belum terbela Ku sentiasa akur berdoa Enggan kecewa Nak ku mimpi tapi enggan terlena Ku dan sepi nan terintim Ku disaksi oleh jelapang kasih Nan terbentang kekeringan Aku sebenarnya insan yang dahaga Cinta tapi tidak terdaya Mestikah aku yang dulu meluahkan Jalan cintamu enggan mengundang... Engkau dah berteman aku merasakan... Cintamu masih berkelana Cuba kau nyatakan walau kepahit...

It was such a tiring day!! Wasn't at home the whole day, was in campus watching "A Room With A View" this morning with my buddies. It will help us in understanding the text better, my instructor said. Not all of my classmates turned up as most of them have gone home, "balik kampung" for the eid holidays. After doing some reviews, decided to join my buddies for window shopping at Midvalley. I was reluctant at first as I have a lot to study and was having fever at the same time, but on the second thought, why not, I don't feel like studying today. And if I'm home, it would be a disaster for me 'cause I will be staring at my laptop, waiting and waiting for some one, finally end up doing nothing! I really hate myself for that. Came home at half past ten. Pretty late and was feeling exhausted. I think my fever is gonna get worse tonight. But I need to sign in to check if there is any mails for me...but as expected, nothing, not even one... none from him. ...

I have watched the movie couple of months back actually and now, reading the novel. Very interesting gothic romance I have ever seen and read before. To me, the story is full of vengeance and woe. The anger and bitterness that was built in Heathcliff has made him to marry Cathy’s sister-in-law, Isabella Linton. Emotionally wounded upon knowing the fact that his childhood lover is married to someone else instead of him, Heathcliff marries Isabella merely for revenge and for her wealth. He doesn’t love the poor lady; his heart still yearns for Cathy. It is undeniable that Cathy is also and has always been in love with Heathcliff. She has this kind of “wild” attitude that matches well with her gypsy lover’s personality. They share the same wild, romantic passion and by spending their time at the moor, they seem to be lost in their own world, drifting away in their sea of love. The moor gives them a new hope and a new life. The scenery is simply captivating and exquisite in beauty. Anyone ...

Amazed…speechless…Is this really you, doctor? I was stunned upon seeing my instructor that day. Couldn’t believe my eyes and can hardly say a word. Finally, with great difficulty, with my voice stuck in my throat, I managed to congratulate her. Oh my God!! You finally did it!!! You have successfully burnt your unwanted fats and now you sure look like a sweet sixteen girl. Way to go doc!! I was wondering how she managed to lose her weight that much in less than one year. It took me 5 days of aerobics in a week for 2 long years before I could reduce 12 kg. Stubborn fats I have in my body, huh? [Just like the owner…:)]And now, it is even worse. I do not have ample time like before anymore, ever since I started studying. I have to stop going to the gym, and God knows how I miss my aerobics classes. Well, exercising is not about getting the right shape only. But it helps you a lot in strengthening your bones, control weight and condition heart and lungs. To me, aerobics has helped me in red...

Merely my jumbled up thoughts and feelings that I placed in an unrhythmic stanzas... My Love, My words may be too harsh to be heard by your ears, too impolite to be seen by your eyes, too vulgar to be read by your lips. I know not how to reach you my love, For the slightest mistake I make shall sent you away for hours, days, weeks for months... Each night and day, my heart cries for you, yearns for you, longs for you... wondering if I have the right to feel this way pondering if I have the right to even think this way If ever you feel that loving you was a mistake, once again I beg your pardon, there is nothing I crave from you my love, just a piece of sincerity that will lessen my burden. Guide me and teach me my love, lead me to the accurate way to your woeful heart, so you shall not be in pain anymore, so you shall not vanished from my sight anymore, so you shall always occupy my heart for now and eternity.

My Love, Staring at the empty screen, Loneliness grows in abundance, Makes me want to scream, The feelings occur in your absence. My guiding light, my north star, Don't you know that is what you are? If loving you was a mistake, please do forgive me, I can't deny what my heart said, cause you mean everything to me. If loving you was a mistake, then I do have a request, tell me the truth for God's sake, playing with my feelings wouldn't be the best. Swan Princess

My Love, Let the music speaks... The rhythm of my lonesome heart, The symphony of my sombre feelings, The orchestra of my eternal love. The lonesome heart that yearns for you, The sombre feelings that is lost without you, The eternal love that will always meant for you... Swan Princess

The weather has been gloomy for the past couple of days. The eye of heaven does not seem to shine as bright as before. It foreshadows everything. Malaysia is in mourned. We have lost our first lady this morning. It was pretty shocking to me and to the rest as well, because we heard that she is recovering. But then, this is beyond our will. Everything, life and death, is in the hands of the Almighty. He loves her more than we do. She died peacefully in the presence of her beloved husband and children. My condolence to Pak Lah and family and May Allah bestows the strength that you need to keep going. Personally I feel that our first lady was one lucky lady for she has a husband who loves her more than anything and most importantly, will always pray and recite the holy Quran for her even after she is physically no longer by his side. May your soul now rest in peace. Al-Fatihah.

What a splendid afternoon! I finally got a chance to walk in the rain without my umbrella. I don’t exactly remember when the last time I did this was but what I can say is that I simply love walking in the rain. I accept none of my friends' offer in sharing their umbrellas with me. I insisted to walk in the rain; what's the big deal? After all they are only teardrops from heaven and not bullet rains showered by the adults’ game. I don't know what makes me do this today, but I just feel like it and I am glad I did. Rain or to be more precise, water, is one of the most important elements in life. Even in movies, especially the ones from Bollywood, there will surely be one or two scenes showing the male and female characters caught in the rain. I think that’s pretty romantic…J I remember watching “Great Expectations”, adaptation from Charles Dickens’s novel, where water is seen to represent life for the two protagonists, Fin and Estella. I love the part where they kissed each...

Here I am again after 3 days of silence. Well, not really in silence actually. I was pretty occupied updating my other blog, need to hand in to my course coordinator you see. I am done with it last night and I am really glad, feel like half of my burden gone as well. This has been a very taxing semester as I have to do a lot of research works and stuffs. But I have enjoyed myself any way and have gained a lot myself. Studies finishing, only two more courses to go and 6 weeks of practical teaching early next year. Then I will be free from all this. Gosh!!! What am I to do?? Back to school, teach, attending my gems, then what?? I need to do something about this. I have to work things out. Continue studying? Most probably...I have to make myself busy doing things I like. Otherwise, I will end up being miserable in my life again.

It has been raining the whole night. When I got up to eat something in order to observe saum in this holy Ramadhan, I could hear the pitter-patter of the raindrops falling on the window pane. This is the most beautiful morning I have ever experienced. I do not know why but I feel so at peace. Nothing unusual happened to me, maybe because I love the rain so much, especially when it rains in the night. As I lay myself on the cold bed, I could still hear the droplets of the tears of heaven, making such beautiful harmonious sound. It is like a piece of music to my ears. Wonder if my unreachable moon could hear the sound of the beautiful rain too… Dear Lord, thank you for giving me these feelings of serenity and tranquility in my mind. I do not wish this moment to end. My mind wanders further and further, deeper and deeper into the land of dreams… I do not want to wake up.

Tired with all these, for restful death I cry, As, to behold desert a beggar born, And needy nothing trimm'd in jollity, And purest faith unhappily forsworn, And guilded honour shamefully misplaced, And maiden virtue rudely strumpeted, And right perfection wrongfully disgraced, And strength by limping sway disabled, And art made tongue-tied by authority, And folly doctor-like controlling skill, And simple truth miscall'd simplicity, And captive good attending captain ill: Tired with all these, from these would I be gone, Save that, to die, I leave my love alone. Beautifully written, well composed, deeply touched. One of Shakespeare's sonnets, which happens to be one of my favourites. "Tired with all these..." Indeed, I am. I am just too tired, tired and tired. Tired of hoping when not getting, tired of giving when not receiving, tired of loving and then losing. Only to realize at the end of the day, all that is left for me is nothing but my woefully tears. Withou...

Having to lose a friend recently which I truly regretted, has given me the urge to find out more about the true meanings of friendship and how to be a better friend. A friendship is an important bond where the ultimate goal is aid through communication. Communication cannot be established without contact. The contact that initiates a friendship can take the form of a letter, speech or even phone calls and nowadays with the incredible popularity of the Internet, people meet others and share views across the world at the tips of their fingers. Whether you meet your friend at the coffee shop or in the virtual world, are not the matter. This is merely because the emotions and feelings involved are completely real, even though your friend is only your “fantasy” friend whom you met in the cyberspace. What matters the most is how you value your friendship. Friends are all about respecting each other. Without respect, friendship can be hurtful. Many of us think it takes a slap or a punch to hu...

You cant decide all the people White and Black in this world... Some are brown too... May god bless you. swan princess

"Love is one big illusion, I should try to forget, But there's something left in my head, I won't forget the way your kisses, The feeling's so strong, Were lasting for so long.... You're the one who set it up, Now you're the one who make it stop, I'm the one who's feeling lost right now. You were never satisfied No matter how I tried, Now you wanna say goodbye to me..." One of my favourite hits by Michael Learns To Rock. Nothing new about this song, but why do I have to hear it again. Why now? One of my classmates used this sad song for his presentation and was talking about one sided love, about how painful it is to be dumped by someone whom you love and trusted. Well presented Wazir!! Sitting at the corner of my class feeling so lost, isolated and empty.

The apple of my eyes, when he was 6 and my pride and joy when she was 6 months old. That was approximately 6 years ago...They are grown kids now. To me, you both will always be my little precious gems, my beautiful pearls, the only reason for me to keep going and to be here...Miss you both a whole bunch!!!

It sure feels so good to know that someone who is in your mind, do take some effort to say hello to you. What else can I say but to express my heartfelt gratitude. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!