Understanding The Drama In Life

Mi cancion

2009-09-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

I have always loved this song. This is the song that I grow up with. The song that can touch not only your heart but your soul as well. Life is weird sometimes. I like it so much that I didn't expect to be experiencing what is mentioned in this song in my real life.

Mi mundo, mi noches y dias, I'll be "right here waiting" for you though we may be oceans apart.

My Pride and Joy

2009-08-01T00:54:00.000-07:00

This video clip was born because I have been missing my son so much lately. He's been away in a boarding school down south, approximately 2-hour drive from KL. Hopefully this clip serves as a time capsule where I can preserve the love that I have for my two children for eternity. Even though one day I will no longer be on this earth, my love for them will always continue on. I want them to know how much they mean to me and how much their presence have brought joy and happiness to my life.

The Lost of a True Legend

2009-07-07T07:19:00.000-07:00

~The front gate to Michael Jackson's residence in Hollywood, LA. During the Hollywood tour, I noticed that his house was the only celebrity house which had fans waiting for him outside the gate. According to the tourist guide this happens practically everyday~

It has been thirteen days since Mikaeel or better known as Michael Jackson has left us. Fans or no fans, everyone including me, were shocked to receive the news of his tragic death. If I were to know that he was going to leave us for good, I would definitely climb the gate of his house in LA when I was there last month. I would run to his door in hoping to meet him in person, would request him to sign my autograph book or anything that I could possibly think of within that short period of time before his bodyguards could chuck me out of the house compound. I am not a big fan of MJ compared to others, but I truly appreciate some of his songs, the ones in the 80s especially.

Today, he will be laid to rest at Forest Lawn. I believe his family will respect his final wish that is to be buried the Muslim way. Mikaeel, you will always be remembered as a true legend. Hereafter, you shall bear no more pains and heartaches in this cruel world, due to the trials and accusations you faced for the past few years. I know deep down in your heart you are a genuine and true person. No matter what others say, to me you are a man with a heart of gold. May Allah bestow upon you His forgiveness and may you rest in peace by His side.

ALfatihah.

Pramoedya Ananta Toer’s “This Earth of Mankind”

2009-05-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Being a country once dominated by the colonial powers, Dutch and Japanese respectively, literary and cultural development in Indonesia come hand in hand with nationalism. There was a degree of captivation and interest of the native population, the Western-educated native aristocracy in particular, to Western institutions, cultural styles, and political ideas. Pramoedya Ananta Toer’s “This Earth of Mankind” highlights the reality of Dutch colonial government in Indonesia, which was driven with contradictions between the desire to control the locals and the desire to bring them progress, as well as the portrayal of women in the society through the lives of Minke and Nyai Ontosoroh.

Minke is a young intelligent man who struggles to seek his identity in his own land that places his native people at the bottom of the social hierarchy in the Dutch East Indies. He believes that he belongs to his people when he utters, “I had no European blood in my body.” (Toer: 20) However, he who had received a modern education in Netherlands, were beginning to feel the weight of the colonial oppression. He begins to think more of his identity when he encounters a concubine of a Dutch official, Nyai Ontosoroh. Her statement gives him some sense of the hypocrisy of the Dutch when she utters, “You could study for years and years, and no matter what you studied, your spirit will be educated to do the same thing: to admire Europeans without limits or ends, so that you no longer know who you are and where you are." (Toer: 336) This declaration of Nyai’s seems to awaken and shape his national consciousness.

Minke finds him helpless when his wife, Annelies is taken away from him. Despite being Western-educated, he still couldn’t defend his wife simply because he is a native. However, he gains his strength and courage when his mother-in-law, Nyai Ontosoroh keeps encouraging him to fight for his rights. This is clearly depicted when she says, “Even if we don’t have a lawyer, we will be the first Natives to oppose the European court” (Toer: 332) In his article, “The Social and Intellectual Ideas of Indonesian Writers, 1920-1945”, Tham Seong Chee posits that the emerging modern educated Indonesian elites were frustrated because they were denied access to positions of authority in the colonial civil service. (Tham: 102) Hence, this leads to another consciousness in Minke which is the consciousness that a racial gulf separated the native community from that of the Dutch.

Another issue highlighted in this novel is the injustice treatment of the women as can be seen through a strong character, Nyai Ontosoroh. She is being treated unfairly because, like Minke, she is also a native and worse still, a concubine who is looked down upon. Hence she has “no business with this court”. (Toer: 329) Her rights have been denied by the Western court and she despises the idea of it. Her awareness and hatred towards the Europeans are illustrated, “In the end,’’ she said later in a soft voice, “the issue is always the same: European against Native, against me. Remember this well: It is Europe that swallows up Natives while torturing us sadistically…Eu-r-ope…only their skin is white,’’ she swore. “Their hearts are full of nothing but hate.” (Toer: 329)

The conclusion that can be drawn from this novel is that not everything from the West is good. Minke being naïve and accepts the Western culture wholeheartedly does not bring any good to him. Instead, his acceptance of the Western, the Dutch in specific, is shaking his fundamentals of his own culture and forces the natives to comply with the rules of the Western, the rule that is so unfamiliar and irrelevant to their context. Besides seeking for identity, Toer also explores the inhumane treatment of women, the nyais specifically, and the human system that degrades them and brings them down in the eyes of the society.

Duong Thu Huong’s “Paradise of the Blind”

2009-05-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

“Paradise of the Blind” is a wonderful tale of three Vietnamese women struggling to survive in a society where the women are expected to offer highly respect towards the men and Communist corruption crushes every dream. Through the eyes of Hang, a young woman in her twenties who has grown up amidst the slums and intermittent beauty of Hanoi, the tragedy of her family is revealed as land reform rips apart their village. When her uncle Chinh's political loyalties replace family devotion, Hang is torn between her mother's appalling self–sacrifice and the bitterness of her aunt who can avenge but not forgive. Only by freeing herself from the past will Hang be able to find dignity –– and a future.

The story begins in Russia in the 1980s, as Hang, a young Vietnamese woman, travels by train to Moscow to visit her uncle. As she travels, she recalls incidents from her childhood and adolescence in Hanoi and also tells of life in her mother's village during the communists' disastrous land reform program that took place in the mid-1950s. The novel, which was banned in Vietnam, is essentially the story of three women from two generations whose family is torn apart by a brother who insists on placing communist ideology above family loyalty.

The protagonist, Hang is raised in poverty by her mother and she never knew who her father was. She grows up feeling lonely and miserable. There are tensions within her and the two women that she loves. She sees her hard life, her surroundings and the ugliness of the communist society as the stagnant, murky swamp found in her village. Her determination to break free from the hardship in her life has finally made her to decide to move on and leave the past by rejecting her aunt’s final wish in order to pursue her own dreams and goal.

Nonetheless, the strength of the other two characters, Que and Aunt Tam, must not be overlooked upon. They portray themselves as women who are willing to endure hardship merely due to their desire to preserve family lineage which offers them the strength and at the same time debilitates them. It is through this novel, one can feel the pain and the suffering women have to bear living in a patriarchal society where they are treated unfairly. And it is indeed the failure of communism and the horrors of land reform have led to the suffering of these women who eventually wasted their lives as for the case of Que and Aunt Tam.

Love Swans

2009-03-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

This picture is awesome. Can't help to post it here in my blog after receiving via email from a friend who has deep passion for photography. Thanks Shah.

Even animals can express their love beautifully...

"Blank"

2009-03-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

Wrote this during the long, boring meeting at school today. And I mean reallllyyy longggg....and really, really borrrinnggggg.....

Blank!
Scribble mindlessly
on a piece of blank white paper
coming from a
blank head!

Cursing endlessly
hour passes,
clock ticking,
doodling, blabbering, heart pounding,
This meeting...
doesn't seem to have the
ending!!

~swan princess~

march 2nd

2009-03-02T02:37:00.000-08:00

cyclone
the whirlwind
the endless blizzard
with flashes of lightning
deep down in the jagged heart

wrench
the twinge
the torturing pain
with thrashes of pounding
throbbing its way into the edgy soul

march 2nd
the day i was
plunged into the bottomless abyss
deeply wounded and scarred
the heart is…

~swan princess~

"Once"

2009-02-22T03:11:00.000-08:00

Once
Feel loved and then betrayed
Left alone with empty four grey walls;
Loneliness crept slowly in petty pace
Into the solemn veins
Into the anguish heart
Into the deceived mind
Leaving her in great distress

In the pitch dark room
Trying to reach out
Cried slowly in such agony
In such pain
Praying so hard
For such torment to abscond

Abandoned, discarded, cast off
Is there anything else she left out?
The missing piece in her life?

~Swan Princess~

"the traveller"

2009-02-15T06:43:00.000-08:00

for i am only a traveller finding my way
among the streets of your new town,
i have other places to go to.
i shall someday work out a map of this city
and traverse it on foot, someday.
for i am only a traveller, and cannot stay longer
where there is no home.

take my love while you can, take my hatred,
take my weathered hand if you will,
for i shall have no home here,
among the dull buildings
where the heart cannot stay.
for i am only a traveller
on my way, to somewhere further than here.

this is the city that broke my heart,
that stole my feelings from me;
this is the city that took away my love,
that told me i must go away.
i must go somewhere.
somewhere, where they can know me;
can recognise that i am a man.

some night when the city is asleep
i’ll walk out quietly along your cruel streets
through the suburban edge and into the dawn forests.
somewhere, perhaps near where the sun rises,
i can sit down,
and sometimes perhaps, i can tell myself,
here i am a man.

~Muhammad Haji Salleh~

Muhammad Haji Salleh’s “the traveller” can be seen as a metaphor, mainly presenting the journey in the life of a man who is in quest of his identity. This journey could be his spiritual as well as physical journey. This poem consists of four stanzas with seven lines in each of them. In these twenty eight lines, none of these sentences begins with an upper case indicating the sense of humbleness and modesty of the persona. This notion is reinforced through the word “i” which is also in the lower case.

Through his dictions, Muhammad Haji Salleh utilises the idea of uncertainty of the persona in achieving his goal in this journey. This can be seen throughout the four stanzas, the words “someday”, “somewhere” and “sometime” are repeatedly used. From the first stanza, “I shall someday work out a map of this city/ and traverse it on foot, someday.” is to indicate that he might travel to this city or may not pass through at all simply because he is a traveller who goes from one place to another and does not stay put in only one place. This can be observed from line, “for i am only a traveller, and cannot stay longer/ where there is no home.”

The same idea of uncertainty is repeated in stanza two, “for I am only a traveller, on my way, to somewhere further than here.” The word “somewhere” clearly shows to us that the persona himself does not know where his journey is leading him to. All he knows is that he must keep on moving to another place until he finds what he is seeking for in this journey. At this point of time, he seems to be out of place and alienated in the city. Again the same notion is recurring in stanza three, “i must go, somewhere. / somewhere, where they can know me; / can recognise that i am a man.” This time the persona asserts firmly that he will leave the city when the poet uses the word “must” despite not certain where his legs will be taking him.

Throughout this poem, Muhammad Haji Salleh personifies the non living things to human personal traits. This concept can be depicted from the poet’s choice of words “dull hard buildings” from the second stanza, merely to signify the sense of dreary and monotonous situation of the big city. From this phrase, readers have the idea that the persona is unhappy living in the big city and he has to seek other places, away from the city. And this notion is reinforced in line, “where the heart cannot stay.”

The personification in this poem can also be seen in the third stanza. The city offers him nothing but hardship and calamities that to a certain extent has transformed him into a strong person. From lines, “this is the city that broke my heart, / that stole my feelings from me; / this is the city that took away my love, / that told me i must go away.” readers can tell that the city is portrayed as something that is alive, something that has human qualities. It seems to be talking to the persona, telling him that there is no place for him there and hence giving him a tough time by breaking his heart and make him a cold hearted person. In stanza four, again the streets are given a life where they are perceived as “cruel” simply to indicate the harsh and unsympathetic treatment received by the persona.

However, in the last stanza, is seen as the turning point in this poem. The persona seems to take the opportunity to leave the city when no one realises his absence that is “when the city is asleep”. Here, the persona appears to know where he is going to, moving from the “suburban edge” to the “dawn forests” to “somewhere” where he hopes to have a new life and a new hope as symbolises by the morning sun as the “sun rises”. The persona seems to look forward to this new place where he is accepted as who he really is as stated in the last line of the poem, “here, i am a man.” Perhaps his journey may end here after he has found what he is seeking for all this while, that is his identity and acceptance of the society.

My Journey Uphill

2009-02-14T21:29:00.000-08:00

My life as a secondary school teacher, a mother to a pair of young teenagers and a postgraduate literature student, all at the same time, has turned me to be a “good and bad”, and “strong and weak” woman – all at one go! Signing up for 3 courses this semester, has made a good friend of mine leave some “threatening” remarks, reminding me consistently that I have to reconsider my decision. I am not saying this on a negative note as now I have learned to see things from a brighter side (Thanks to my past experiences). Furthermore, Walter Bagehot once said, a great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. I hold strongly to that quote.

Being the woman mentioned above has made T.I.M.E to be the most significant setback to actually sit and flow my thoughts here. Or perhaps this is merely my justification for “abandoning” my blog for quite some time. Nevertheless, today, despite having two assignments to be hand in next week, I will leave that aside for a moment simply because I want to document my happy moments here. A day to remember, perhaps.

When Dr. Karthi wanted all of her postgraduate students to attend a seminar on the 14th February, we were pretty reluctant. Not so much of the date (well, at least not for me!) but thinking of the abundance of assignments that needed attention and it falls on Saturday (my library day), the idea of attending the seminar really puts me off. And of course the seminar is not for free, students have to pay too!!

But those attended yesterday made a good choice. The seminar was fantastic. Even though there were not many people in the banquet hall but those who were there really benefited what the speakers had presented. It’s called a one day seminar on Malaysian Literature; yes true enough I was there for the whole day, right from 8:00 in the morning to 4:30 in the evening.

It was worth it, nonetheless. The food was great, (yeah, yeah, you are hearing this from someone who is on a strict diet) the hall was conducive enough for everyone, and most of all the speakers of the day were awesome. They came from various universities in Malaysia as well as Singapore, and they presented very interesting topics that can generate some ideas for my research project.

But above all, I was thrilled that I got the chance to meet my favourite Malaysian writer, a Malaysian Laureate, none other than Dr. Muhammad Haji Salleh. Why I adore him? Simple. He’s a down-to-earth person, very modern Malay and yet still upholds his roots and traditions strongly. Academically wise, besides my aunt, he’s another idol that I look up to.

Enough said. Now back to business. I am preparing for next week’s assignments. Currently I am working on one of Dr. Muhammad Haji Salleh’s work, “The Traveller” and the write up of my last two weeks presentation on the war poet, Wilfred Owen.

My feelings right now?

I FEEL SO MOTIVATED.

At the seminar, with Dr Muhammad Haji Salleh and one of my coursemates, Hilalah.

War

2009-02-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

My very first video clip that I prepared for my presentation this coming Monday. How my heart bleeds to see the plight, the sufferings and most of all the deaths of the innocent young faces. They do not deserve to die this way. And everything happens due to the greed of the mankind or should I say the politicians.
Wake up people! It's about time we end this war for good. Let's make this world a better place to live in, for the sake of our future generation.

Bad Comments

2008-12-02T08:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes people can be so disrespectful simply because they are mad and angry at a particular someone. They will find ways to hurt or to provoke by leaving comments and saying mean things which is always untrue. I have encountered this kind of people in my life before. Well so far, only one actually. And that single one, I can say he is nothing but a bloody bastard. Ooopss… pardon my language. But that is what he really is. I know he keeps reading and going through this page of mine simply because he has no other way to reach me. Yes, I have blocked his number, his emails and I have no regret in doing so. Well, to that f***ing bastard, I want you to know that my life is so much easier and happier now since I abandoned your insincere friendship.

Since you are already at the edge of your grave, I pardon you. Take this little time you have left in this world to think about what you have done to the people around you. Repent while you can. I know and I understand a person who is frustrated, miserable, dejected, wretched and pathetic like you can be very offensive most of the times in order to gain attention from others . May the Lord forgive you. My suggestion, try to learn to be sincere and truthful to the people around you. There must be a reason why friends (or maybe your family even) do not want you in their lives. No need to cheat or lie to others. No point in doing so as you will only create so much hatred in others when the truth prevails. That’s just my humble suggestion.

Lost and Now Found

2008-11-29T06:29:00.000-08:00

Some of my Malay poems, written 16 years ago. Found them in one of my old diaries.

DI KAMAR SEPI
Di kamar sepi, terlantar duka
Masih mencari-cari, masih tertanya-tanya
Bagaimana kehilangan bisa terjadi
Antara dua insan saling mengasihi.

Gugur dan layu dihembus sang bayu
Kehilangan masih dirasai
Biarpun masa silih berganti
Namun kedukaan masih terpahat di hati.

Kini...
Mentari cerah kembali
Mengharapkan sebuah sinaran yang pasti
Tetapi...
Apakah kasih sayang setulus hati
Yang suatu ketika pernah kumiliki
Akan menjadi milikku lagi?

HARAPAN ATAS SEBUAH KEGAGALAN
Atas kejatuhan nan lalu
Atas kehancuran nan lepas
Kugagahi terus melangkah
Meninggalkan nostalgia

Manis bagai madu, dibelai mesra selalu
Pahit bagai hempedu, tertusuk duri sembilu

Kumara jua kehadapan
Tanpa menoleh kebelakang
Harapan setinggi gunung
Agar mentari yang bersinar kini
Menyingkir awan kelabu yang menyelubungi
Pergi jauh dari pinggir hati...

LUKISAN SEBUAH POHON HATI
Perasaan baru menghijau
Kasih mula berputik
Rindu kian berbunga
Sayang telah berbuah
Namun mengapa...
Resah turut sama merimbun?
Curiga ikut serta merendang?

Kesucian yang lalu gugur kelayuan
Kesepian kembali berakar
Kesetiaan belum menampakkan kesuburan

Pohon kini ketandusan
kepastian...
kejujuran...
Yang entah bila
kan tersiram

Pohon tidak menginginkan
kehilangan...
kecurangan...
pendustaan...
Yang bisa menumbangkan
keteguhan kasih
yang baru berputik.

~Swan Princess~

Happy Birthday Beloved PM

2008-11-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

Today is his 69th birthday. When asked what does he want for his birthday, he replied, "nothing expensive". A very humble person he is. That is one of his many good qualities.

The following short and simple poem is dedicated to this humble and respected man, though the person himself may not read it. Nothing expensive from me.

My jackets are made of leather,
My cups are made of porcelain clay,
Storm or sunshine, any kinds of weather,
May the Lord bestows upon you a
blissful and prosperous birthday!

Happy birthday dear Prime Minister. It is sad to know the hardship you have gone through in your political life, but at the same time I am impressed with your strong personality in facing those calamities. May you have a smooth sailing in your journey of life.

~Swan Princess~

The Greatest Gift

2008-11-15T01:41:00.000-08:00

Love is the greatest gift of all. The gift that keeps me going through the rough times, offers me shelter from the storm, the anchor of my soul. I am grateful to the Almighty for the gift I found in you. Grasias mi vida. Esta canción es para ti.

"Caída Para Usted"

2008-11-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,
Over again, don't make me change my mind,
Or I won't live to see another day,
I swear it's true...

Oh yes indeed!!

Reality and Illusion

2008-09-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

I felt like I have lost one of my legs when my laptop was crashed for the past five days. It was simply annoying to know that you are being “fooled” by the websites. I was browsing for more information on Reality, Illusion and Sex Symbolism in R.K Narayan’s “The Guide” when I found one particular site which I believe has the information I needed. Happily I clicked on the link and bingo!!! I felt like a little mouse falling into a trap. In a blink of an eye, my poor laptop has been infected by 45 various viruses that not even my antivirus software could do anything to help. All at just one click! Then I realized that the site that I visited was actually a stupid porn site!!

And my presentation is on the next day. I started to be a lil panicky. Thank God I have my son’s desktop, even though I don’t feel quite comfortable to continue my work there. It’s better than nothing, I comforted myself. I finally managed to complete my assignment and was ready to be presented. It was a short and simple presentation but I felt satisfied. I will have to add more information on the symbolism in my write up which will be due in two weeks time.

A REMINDER, following are my next assignments that needed attention;
1. The treatment of characters in RK Narayan’s “The Guide” through imagery and symbolism (write up)
dateline: 23rd September, 2008.
2. Ecocriticism (presentation and write up)
dateline: 18th October, 2008.
3. Compare and contrast two literary theories
(write up) dateline: day of the final exam
4. Graham Greene’s “The Quiet American” – have yet to decide the title
(take home finals)
5. Take home finals for Literary Theory – have yet to receive the questions
6. Psychoanalytic reading on DH Lawrence’s “Sons and Lovers” (given excerpt)
- done, need to be proof read.

Looks like I will be spending my eid holidays in front of my laptop again as usual. What a life!! But in a way, I am very much contented.

Dear Lord, bestows upon me the knowledge and the strength to go through all my calamities. Amen.

After 30 years...

2008-08-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

-This is the view on my way to school, the ever tranquil Taiping Lake Gardens, still remains the same to this very day-

Instead of putting my jumbled up ideas together to complete my assignment, I found myself writing about what I have experienced today. Nothing extraordinary actually but today I manage to drive to Bangsar Village on my own. Apparently it is not that far from Midvalley but I never dared to go there all by myself. However today I did it and all for the sake of meeting my two beloved primary school classmates. To drive there alone is not something that I can brag about but it somehow gives me a little more confident to drive to any destinations in Kuala Lumpur without relying on others. I guess I need to be bolder to try and venture, not only in driving to unfamiliar places but also any other new likely dealings… ;) Just like what Vincent van Gogh once said, “What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything”. That’s very true indeed! And now I am in the process to build that courage.

It was a pleasant evening to spend my time with Azleen and Rose. Like me, both Azleen and Rose are mothers with Rose in the lead – a mother of four beautiful young children! But you girls rock man!! Can wonderfully maintain your figure!! We attended the same primary school, SRK Treacher Methodist Girls’ School approximately 30 years back. We spent hours talking about our unforgettable moments, our friends’ whereabouts, our teachers, our experiences in life and on and on and on. Thanks to Azleen for bringing along the old pictures to freshen up our memories. I feel really good meeting both of you. I hope you girls feel the same way too. Perhaps we should do this once in a while, sort of a temporary getaway from the daily routine. I should have brought my camera with me but I was too excited upon meeting them that I totally forgot about it... :)

Playing with words...

2008-08-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

1. 3 Word Poem

Flowers
Flourish
Forests

Sweet
Sensational
Swan

2. Acrostic Poem

Silky
Witty
Adorable
Nimble

3. Hello/Goodbye Poem

Hello sunshine, Goodbye darkness
Hello happiness, Goodbye misery
Hello friends, Goodbye foes
Hello truth, Goodbye lies
Hello spring, Goodbye winter
Hello love, Goodbye anguish

4. Haiku

My Summer Rain
Shower me my love
My life has come to an end
You...my summer rain.

Unreachable Moon
Unreachable moon
In my heart thou shall remain
Despite hurt and pain.

~Swan Princess~

Points to ponder...

2008-07-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

It has been 20 days since I last updated my blog. Plain simple fact, I've been L.A.Z.Y. Besides busy with my work and masters class, I am also now into my new Facebook. But of course Facebook is not quite the same as writing in blogs. It offers you to keep in touch always with good friends. Yes strictly for good friends only! What exactly distinguishes a bad friend from a good friend? A bad friend fabricates a thousand and one LIES , hoping to impress their target whereas a good friend truly cares and SINCERE in everything they have to offer. And in this world, who needs to befriend a liar and a deceitful person anyways?

Just something to ponder and some reflections to make...a 5-minute break from my assignment actually :)

Back to School Again

2008-07-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Yes I know. I have not been updating my blog for quite some time now. As usual, I’ve been busy and lazy :) No deny about that! During the semester holidays, besides teaching, I’ve been busying myself with other activities, like watching movies with my beloved ones (the latest was The Incredible Hulk, which was simply amazing!Thanks to Rafael for insisting me to go watch this movie.) and going for theatre at KL Pac to watch Air Con. It was exciting to get to know the insight of certain group of people even though it’s not really suitable for underage kids due to its vulgarity and offensive language. The play somehow leaves me with lots of question marks in my head, all left unanswered. I guess that is what the screenwriter is trying to highlight in regards to this never-ending issue. For a first timer, Shanon Shah has done a good job. Objective achieved and message conveyed. I am looking forward to watch another play again…if time permits of course…sigh.

The day I’ve been waiting for finally has arrived. Today was my first day of the new semester and this too, means that I am now in my second semester as a Masters student. This semester I signed up for two compulsory courses, Literary Theory and Critical Appreciation. I may sign up for another elective course, Literature from the Indian Sub-Continent, not really sure though. Like the previous semester, I need to do a lot of reading and reviews on novels as well as reading criticism books. In tonight’s class, 18 students who turned up today were given a brief outline of the course- Critical Appreciation. I know this semester is going to be a lil tough than before but I am still looking forward to all the assignments and presentations and can’t wait to go book hunting at Mph and Borders with my friends again.

Suzynarita se siente cansado, de ir a dormir ahora. Buenas noches!!

Reflections

2008-06-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

Swan Princess always asks herself...

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

A Day At SUC

2008-06-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful time attending an Oxford and Cambridge English Language Event or as they call it the English Cornucopia, yesterday at Sunway University College. There were many English Language activities and interesting talks by the Oxbridge Alumni. It was indeed an eye-opener for the students and it somehow boosts up their desire to perform well in their studies.

Upon arrival we were welcomed by a group of student ambassadors and staff members of the university. The teachers were ushered to the concourse area for morning tea and the students were taken in groups for a campus visit. To those who took part in the essay writing competition proceeded to the classrooms directly. While waiting for the students, the teachers had the chance to get a glimpse of the university’s library which was pretty impressive.

The programme lasted for about 6 hours. Even though my students did not win anything in any of the competitions held, I believe they had a great time as much as I did.

Te Quiero Mucho

2008-06-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

Un mensaje para mi RC

Kali Balangkas

2008-06-09T07:04:00.000-07:00

Mi héroe de practicar sus habilidades en Balangkas Kali. ¿No es asombroso que?

Movie Mania!!

2008-06-09T06:35:00.000-07:00

The two-week school holidays finally has come to an end. Today was the first day of school. What have I achieved in this past two weeks? Well for the first week my holidays were gone, due to the course that I had to attend. Even though it was tiring I have learnt a lot of things during the course, and I can say that I have enjoyed myself listening to the talks and lectures. As for the second week of the holidays, I stayed at home with my children and later decided to leave for my hometown.

And yes, I watched 3 movies during the holidays; Narnia, Indiana Jones and finally Long Khong 2 (a Thai movie). I don’t want to talk much about the Thai movie as it was really unpleasant and gross. As for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it was good at first, with the stunts and the chase in the jungle. I have no comments on Ford’s acting. As expected he’s a great actor, I love his smiles…priceless. But the ending of the movie sort of turned me off. From the adventures and actions, temples and old artifacts, all of a sudden towards the ending, it turned out to be like an X-file episode with a big UFO leaving the site. It’s so anti-climax!!

Having the UFO and the aliens do not fit into this movie at all. Hello Spielberg and Lucas…Harrison Ford here is playing the role of Dr. Jones, a university professor cum an archaeologist and not Captain Han Solo as in Star Wars. Please get that right! And I understand now why the government of Russia has banned this movie in their country. I think it’s about time for the directors and the story writers to be aware of others’ sensitivity. I believe, in the past nor future, there is not a single Russian who goes around USA chasing after old artifacts like that!

In a nutshell, for relaxation and to enjoy the classic Indy moments then the movie is okay. I had a good time watching it even though it's not up to my expectations.

My ratings would be 3 out of 5 stars.

Nevertheless, Harrison Ford…you still rock!!!

Indy is back!!

2008-06-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

Harrison Ford...here I come!!! Will tell more about his latest Indiana Jones movie after watching it tonight.

Ciao!!!

Off To The Magical World of Narnia

2008-06-01T01:15:00.000-07:00

I was feeling rather upset yesterday. Upset about something that has been bothering me lately. However, towards the end of the day I felt great. Great because I have decided to escape to the magic land and be with the spirits of the trees, mythological woodland creatures, the kings and queens of the past in The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian. The movie was simply awesome like expected. I think it has been more than two years since I watched The Chronicles of Narnia - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. The kids have really grown. Peter looks more mature, Susan and Lucy seem to be taller and Edmund…hmmm he looks more and more like Kevin!! Wonder where he is now, are you in Russia still Kev?

Anyways, like I said earlier the movie is simply awesome. The four siblings return to Narnia only to find that everyone and everything they knew before have all been dead and destroyed. They have returned after 1300 years they left Narnia. The kingdom is ruled by Lord Miraz who has murdered his own brother and tries to stop Prince Caspian, his nephew from becoming the ruler. So these kings and queens of the past have returned to help displace Prince Caspian back to Narnia’s throne in order for the magic land to gain peace as before. Oh yes, the special effects are overwhelming. The friendly spirits, the moving trees, the giant-form-like water, the warrior rats, centaurs…everything, even Aslan the Lion seems so real.

Nevertheless, I feel that some of the scenes are not suitable for children. What I mean is the fighting scenes. Even though there is no sign of blood in the fighting, it clearly indicates some hatred and vengeance. I suppose that is why the movie is rated under PG- Parental Guidance. Some explanations and clarifications are needed if you have the little ones to watch the movie as well.

Whatever it is, I have enjoyed very much transporting myself to the land of Narnia where the fantasy comes to real on the big white screen. My ratings would be 4 out of 5 stars.

Indiana Jones movie…well, still on hold :)

Su is back in town!!

2008-05-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

Friendship is like the running stream...endless, cool and refreshing. ~Swan Princess~

I am finally home. Well, it's not that I have been outstation for too long. It was only for two weeks and in between, I came back during the weekends but it just feel so good to be home again, to be in my warm and cosy bed. The course went well. It was great to meet new faces and making new friends, true and honest ones of course.

And it was a surprise too when I met one of my old friends during college. She still can recognise me, or maybe she saw my name tag. We didn't get the chance to really sit and talk as she was there for a course too but different from mine. All the courses schedules were very tight. Nevertheless, we managed to exchange mobile numbers and she gave me a website of our ex-college mates. It was really cool to see most of our friends joining and keeping in touch with each other through the forum. Well, I immediately register myself too!! Waiting for them to organise a reunion.

Besides getting in touch with my ex-college mates, I also managed to track down my very first best friend when I was a kid. It was actually with the help of another long lost friend of mine. She read my posting for the Taiping Talk website and immediately emailed me and introduced herself. It was a pleasant surprise indeed. And thanks to her, I managed to get in touch with my best friend since kindergarten. We are planning to meet each other very soon, perhaps after I went back to my hometown. I am really happy to be in touch with all my old friends again. I wonder what they will think of me once they meet me again...cant' wait...pretty excited!!!

Do You Follow Your Head Or Your Heart?

2008-05-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional.

You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly.

Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you.

You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature.

Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

Happy Teacher's Day

2008-05-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

I thought I will not be having the chance to put my thoughts on this page of mine for the next two weeks. But here I am again. I am back from the course for the weekends. After three days there, I have learnt that it wasn’t that bad after all. It was pretty tiring though. The schedule was very tight and we have three sessions everyday, right from 8 o’clock in the morning to 10:30 at night.

Every year on the 16th May, all teachers in Malaysia celebrated Teacher’s Day. Even though we may not celebrate our special day as special and as grand as the secretaries where famous singers and performers are engaged to entertain them during their Secretaries' Week, we still rejoice ourselves in our own moderate ways. However, this year I celebrated Teacher’s Day with my new friends, the fellow participants.

To be exact there were no celebration as we were so engaged with the activities during the course. We only wish each other, and I received quite a number of text messages from friends and students…very meaningful and inspiring ones. It makes me feel worth being a teacher, to be able not only to teach the young generations but to change and most importantly to be able to touch their lives!What do we get in return? Nothing. But we are contented to see them successful in their lives and it is a bonus to have them appreciating and feeling grateful to us.

To all my beloved teachers, right from play school to the present, thank you for all your kindness and guidance. Thank you for touching my life!

And to all the teachers out there, HAPPY TEACHER’S DAY!!!

I am feeling a lil tired. Suzynarita is signing out. Buenos noches!!

My Breakaway??

2008-05-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

Complete silence for two long weeks. My breakaway?? Naaaa...it's more like being sent to a torture chamber. I hate the idea of leaving my work now, especially when my own children and students are in the middle of their mid-sem exam, but I have no choice. Well, what's the point of grumbling? I might as well look at it positively. Who knows I will be enjoying myself listening to the endless talks by the officers from the government, meet new faces and enjoying the "luxurious" facilities of the hotel. Whatever it is, I will try my best to fit myself and will try to take pleasure in every single moment that I'll be spending there. What I know for sure is that I am surely going to miss my lil baby girl!!

To all my friends, adios amigos!!

A 3-second breakaway

2008-05-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

As I look out of the window…
Lightning strikes across the sky
like the Excalibur in the night,
Thunder roars out loud
creating a sweet quiver in my heart.

Isn’t it a serene feeling?
Sitting here by the window,
The sensation of the cool breeze
kissing my cheeks,
caressing my soft skin,
stroking my lustrous hair.
The limbs of the trees gently sway
as the north wind blows
And the rain falls pitter-patter
on the concrete walls.

Isn’t it a “serene” feeling?
As I sit by the window…
With falling rain and shimmering lightning,
Trying hard to answer
my chemistry paper!!

The things that my 4SP1 students might have in their minds during their chemistry exam today.

As Busy As A Bumble Bee

2008-04-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

Life has been very hectic and tiring for the past few months, especially in April. It seems to me that the dateline for my assignments at work and my studies are all in April. I hardly have time to update this personal space of mine here.

The important events in April which make me feel like I need more than 24/7:

1. 10th April - Choral Speaking competition which was held in SAM Bestari. The students performed well, it's just that this time luck wasn't on our side. The students were upset when the judge announced that we were in the second place. However, we managed to compete again for the district level next week, 17th April. Oh gosh!! Same day as my seminar!

2. 17th April - For the past two weeks I have been busy preparing and working on my paper for the Australian and Canadian Literature Seminar. As it was my first time presenting, I have to really make sure that I am 100% prepared and do not mumble in front of others. And of course I pray so hard hoping that not many would turn up for the seminar as this will reduce the chances for the audiences to pose any questions on me. Too bad, only part of my prayers were answered. Yes not many turned up on that day as it was the exam week but those who came asked me lots and lots of questions, especially the foreign students. Urghhhh...simply annoying but managed to smile as usual and answer to all their questions. Had a good debate with them on feminism too!!

3. 19th April - A day out with the principal. However, I couldn't make it as I was not feeling well. Stayed in bed for the rest of the day.

4. 21st April - Dateline for the write up of the paper I presented during the seminar. Since I wasn't around, I emailed my lecturer the paper and promised to send the hardcopy upon returning from my course.

5. 20 - 23rd April - Attended a course on "Literature in English for Form 4 and 5 students" at Quality Hotel. It was an excellent course and I have enjoyed myself there. This course has offered me a great opportunity and a better insight on how to deal with the new syllabus on this elective subject. I hope to teach Literature in English very soon as literature has always been my passion. I prefer to teach them about life rather than grammar and grammar and grammar all the time. This would be my new challenge!!

5. 26th April - The retirement dinner of my school principal. As usual, I am required to be the announcer again. I had a tough time preparing the text. My senior assistant wants it to be a bitter-sweet occasion, hence, I have to create some sombre with a little of jovial mood in my text. When I am writing here in this blog, I have completed the text and have emailed it to my colleague for editing. Rehearsal will be tomorrow afternoon at 3:00 pm. Hope everything goes well tomorrow night!

6. 28th April - The due date of my final assignment for the Australian and Canadian Literature. Then semester break. Will be assignment-free for 10 weeks before the new semester begins somewhere in early July. Although tiring, I am looking forward to attending classes again!!

Hmmm...what else is on the 28th??

...blink...blink...blink...oh yeah...it's my birthday! Well, what's the big deal? I am just going to be one year OLDER!! What is there to celebrate?? More white hairs and wrinkles. The positive side of it (nothing but to console my heart), those are the signs of wisdom and maturity. Yippppiiieeeee!!!!!

A poem for my beloved principal.

Trusting, so precious and charming,
Attractive, a smile that's so disarming,
Noble, clever and loving.

Wonderful, diligent and bright,
Affectionate, and warm at heart,
Terrific, you are such a delight.

Exciting, a quality that's so true,
Natural, the genuine side of you,
Gratification, you who keep us away from blue!

Madam TAN WAT ENG,
You are dear to our hearts
Forever inspiring,
Who never stopped giving and caring.

Madam TAN WAT ENG,
You are an angel in disguise
Missing you,
We can never compromise!

Pictures during the Choral Speaking Competition;

My students on stage, performing "Malaysian Eating Frenzy". They were good but this time not good enough to be the winner. It's okay dear students. Winning is not the only thing. Win or lose is merely parts and parcel in life. What's important is the experience that you have gained to help you be better next time.

That's me and my friend, Hanuratha, while waiting for the judges to come up with their results of the competition.

As busy as a bumble bee my life is...bbbzzzzzzzzz....bbbzzzzzzz....:) Nevertheless, no matter how busy I am, I feel at peace each time I listen to this song, Atado A Tu Amor by Chayanne. Esta canción me recuerda a alguien que está lejos de mí, sino muy cerca de mi corazón. Usted sabe quién es usted!(Yeah, double click on Mi Cancion to enjoy the pleasure of listening)

Human Frailties

2008-04-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

Below is the abstract of the paper that I am working on currently, for Australian and Canadian Literature course. The seminar will be on the 17th April but I need to get it done by this coming Thursday. Oh gosh! Thinking about the coming seminar alone is already good enough to give me nightmares and send the chill to my spine. Will I be able to make it??

This study is based on two of Tim Winton’s work, namely, “The Turning” and “Family” from his fiction novel, The Turning. These two works provide a brief overview on the frailties of ordinary people whose lives are not what they had hoped for. The characters are often hurt, irritated, frustrated and damaged. In “The Turning”, the hardship of the main character, Raelene, seems to awaken her that she is missing something in her life and is trying to do her best to seek the reason why she is feeling such way. She illustrates herself as a woman who is “hungry”; in search of food for her empty soul. Whereas in “Family”, deals about the past memories that have been haunting Frank Leaper and like Raelene, he too tries to figure out what is it that is burdening him all this while. Towards the end of the story, both characters somehow manage to identify their predicament and offer them a kind of relief in their lives. These two works of Winton are merely some of the instances of how people struggle against the weight of their own history and try to reconcile themselves to their right place in the world. Nevertheless, in this world, there is always hope and human always has the ability to change themselves to be a better person.

The picture taken by one of my classmates, Abd Rahman, during our last class on last Friday. We had quite a feast, too much food to eat yessss...and too much food to help me expand my waistline!!! There goes my diet!!!

Picture posted here upon Rahman's request...:)

A Pesar De Todos

2008-03-31T08:43:00.000-07:00

A pesar de todos,
Usted es todavía el que necesito en mi vida
Eres mi todo todavía!!

Esta canción es para ti...

Eres todo en mi,
el sol que me ilumina y me hace tan feliz;
la fuerza que conduce mi existir,
solo tu, mi amor;

Si me abrazo a ti,
yo siento que tu esencia se dispersa en mie
no queda ni un espacio en mi sentir,
eres tu mi luz

Eres todo en mi,
y lluevo entre mis labios todo tu sabor,
cruzare mi bien oceanos mas profundos
por saber de ti;

Eres todo en mi,
por siempre y para siempre
Desde que te vi;
nunca mas tendré
temor, pues con tu amor volvi a sentir
y a renacer

Volare por ti
a un mundo donde beba solo de tu amor,
dejando la distancia tras de mí,
solos tu y yo
Bailaremos hoy
sobre una nube blanca que en el cielo esta;
tus ojos como estrellas brillaran
para mi, por mi;

Jamas se ira la magia de sentir tu aliento
sobre mi volcando mis sentidos para amar;
solo por tu amor, mi amor

"The Secret River" that is no more a secret

2008-03-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

My writing is based on the winner of the Orange Prize, Kate Grenville’s "The Secret River" which was shortlisted for THE Man BOOKER PRIZE 2006. I will discuss on how a man’s ignorance and desires leads to fear and disaster and eventually leads to the conflict between the ex-convict settlers and the aborigines. What are men’s desires? Women? Possessions and wealth? Power and authority? A sense of belonging? I am not being judgmental but I believe men desire everything that has been mentioned above and at times can be beyond needs as well.

Hence, men will do anything they can to achieve what they dream of and what they aim in life. And it is through this process that many weaker souls and frail hearts are deeply wounded and torn apart, even blood can be shed, human life can be in jeopardy and threatened, and all these occurred due to the men’s negligence. In “The Secret River”, Grenville has brilliantly portrayed the conflict between the white settlers who wanted to start afresh in this empty vast land, to their eyes at least, and the natives who have been living in the land down under, Hawkesbury River in particular, for many years even before the whites first landed here somewhere in the 18th century.

The above video clip is how "The Secret River" (Hawkesbury River) looks like now - No more a secret, definitely and a perfect gateway to nature and tranquility!

Pamper Myself

2008-03-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

My hero for tonight as seen from the above pictures...hehehehe...

Yippeeee....yipppeeeee!!!!! At last I manage to finish my 10-page essay. Yes, it is no big deal writing an essay with 10 pages, however this time I feel like I have written nothing but junks. Anyways, what the heck!! I have handed over the assignment to my lecturer tonight and I am relieved. At least tonight I have lessened one burden. One down, two to go!

So, now is the time to pamper myself!! After class, my friends and I decided to go for a movie, which we have planned since last week. We managed to get to the cinema on time. 10,000 B.C is our choice for tonight. The movie is good, I like the plot and the setting especially. There is nothing unusual or extraordinary about the storyline. Simple and plain but interesting.

It is a mythological and a prehistoric age movie where the hero has to embark on a long journey in order to rescue the love of his life and later realises that the fate of his people is also in his hands, with prophecies to be fulfilled, and a little bit of miracles here and there. I adore the determination and the strong spirit of the main character, acted by a new comer Steven Strait.[not bad looking!!] To me, all these elements make up a good movie and I have always enjoyed watching something light like this.

Just one question, wonder where these people from the 10,000 B.C learn their English Language from? It is suppose to be a prehistoric era, duhh.

Anyways,

My rating would be 4 out of 5 stars!

My next movie - a movie that is not to be missed by all, not by me especially...none other than Harrison Ford in his latest Indiana Jones which will be released in April!!

In Hot Soup

2008-02-27T20:43:00.000-08:00

I’ve been sick again. This is the third time in this year, I think. My health is not really in a good condition lately. With the amount of work at school (the latest is taking over the school choral speaking group for Choral Speaking Competition from another teacher who is seriously ill), plus the numbers of awaiting novel reviews and write ups, 24/7 doesn't seem to be enough for me.

Since I am on medical leave today, I thought I can try to work on one of the novels that I have been assigned to, but to no avail. I am just wasting my time and my headache is becoming worse. I need to recover fast, can’t afford to be sick for too long. Hence, I stop reading and decided to drop few lines here. In regards to my study, here are the things that need my attention fast:

1) 2 novel reviews, The Secret River by Kate Grenville and The Turning by Tim Winton– power point slides and write up.

2) A 10-page essay on the chosen novel from African and Caribbean Literature. I am considering The Disgrace by J.M Coetzee. Most likely, I am going to touch on the downfall of a man due to his uncontrollable sexual desires. The title need to be refined and rephrased though, this is just my rough idea.

I wonder if all these assignments I can make it on time. Due date: 2 weeks time!!!

Am I in hot soup???

Trying not to be panicky. I better go to sleep now…

When I Step Into Your World

2008-02-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

Like many other nights, tonight too I can't seem to put myself to sleep. Got tired of reading my novels, need a break. Finally, I came up with this, my latest poem...

When I step into your world
In the time of dimness
You shower me with sunlight
When life seems unjust
You bring me fairness
When my feet can’t stand
You bestow me the strength

I feel you touch me in the night
I feel your kisses in the cold wind
Whenever I close my eyes
I want it to be your face that I see
Whenever I sleep at night
I want it to be a dream of you
Whenever I give my heart
I want it to be held by you!

The Day I Fall In Love

2008-02-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

This is for you MY BEETHOVEN, my Valentine!!! You know who you are...

Wide Sargasso Sea

2008-02-11T02:55:00.000-08:00

Finally I managed to complete my assignment. It is definitely not an easy task for me, but I finally did it!! Whether or not it’s good, I don’t care. What’s important is that my task is accomplished even though it took me longer time than expected. Eventually, I enjoyed reading the novel and the turmoil in Antoinette’s life managed to touch my innermost soul.

The brief study is based on Jean Rhys’s work, namely the “Wide Sargasso Sea”. In this study, I focused on the sombre experience of the female protagonist, Antoinette Cosway in the patriarchal society and what leads to her manner that causes the tragic and tear-jerking ending to her life. I am not in favour of glorifying committing suicide as an ultimate way out in any calamities stumbled upon, but my intention is to focus on the causes of the action of Antoinette Cosway, are none other due to the mistreatment of the male-dominant society towards the females. It is important to bear in mind that committing suicide cannot be applied and is strictly prohibited in Islam, as well as other religions in this world. Nevertheless, it did serve to guide my understanding on the reasons why this act is taken by the female protagonist mentioned.

The only thing that is not done yet is the oral presentation which will be carried out tomorrow night!!

Starting to have butterflies in my stomach now….

My "Eventful" Life?

2008-02-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I put my thoughts down on paper…well, in this blog of mine literally. Yes, life has been very busy and hectic these days. I don’t even have time to chat with my friends online anymore!! In a way, it’s good. I now spend most of my time with work at school, my house work and assignments at home. This is the 7th week of my first semester as a post graduate student. I find it pretty tough to cope with everything at the same time and God knows how I wish I can be a full time student like before!! But I remember one of my lecturers used to tell us that all the hardships we face today will soon go by. Yes, I will go through it somehow…that’s what I keep telling myself.

Since its Sunday today and I have no plans to go out anywhere (as if I always do), I have been trying to develop my review on the novel that I have been assigned to. Like previous research work of mine, this time I have to come up with something similar too and it so happens to be my favourite topic…FEMINISM. Yes, the notion of the dominant group (the men) oppressing the women, that there is something in the men’s biology or psychological make up which make them treat women as inferior. And the idea of women being kept in a state of tutelage and regarded as property or as a servant, a sex slave to be exact. Well, what else is there to say about this so-called dominant group; in this patriarchal society they can be very destructive in nature. However, I will try my best not to be bias in my writing and also not to label and judge them in general. I can’t promise but I’ll try :).

"You Are Always On My Mind"

2008-01-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

I was driving alone to campus when I hear this song over the radio that day. I have loved this song and have been a great fan of Elvis Presley since I was a kid. There’s something about this song that touches my heart. I listen to the lyrics attentively; trying to seek what is it about this song that makes me feel this way.

Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

It is very simple and direct, straight to the point. There…it strikes my mind!! It’s my wish; If only this “voice” were the voice of my other half…If only my wish came true, I am willing to give up everything!!! If only he knew...

Nevertheless, some dreams will always remain as dreams.

Voices left unheard, words left unspoken, questions left unanswered.
I need sleep...a long deep sleep...
Porque este corazon está en profundo dolor!!!

Symptoms of Depression and What Increases Your Risk

2007-12-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

Found this article in the internet today. I find it very informative and useful. Read on and see if you have the symptoms in you.

If you have depression, you may feel hopeless and sad or stop feeling pleasure from almost everything you do. You may feel “down in the dumps,” tearful, or discouraged. You may also be irritable or anxious or have low energy levels. The symptoms of depression are often subtle at first. It can be hard to recognize that symptoms may be connected and that you might have depression.

The two most significant symptoms of depression are:

Sadness or hopelessness.
Loss of interest in or pleasure from most daily activities.

Other symptoms include:

Losing or gaining weight because of changes in appetite.
Sleeping too much or not enough.
Feeling restless and unable to sit still, or feeling that moving takes a great effort.
Feeling tired all the time.
Feeling unworthy or guilty without an obvious reason.
Having problems concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.
Thinking often about death or suicide.

If you have at least five of these symptoms for 2 weeks or longer, and one of the symptoms is either sadness or loss of interest, you are diagnosed with major depression. But, if you have fewer than five symptoms, you may still be depressed and need treatment.

If you have 2 to 4 symptoms for a period of at least 2 years (1 year for a child), you may have a long–term form of depression called dysthymic disorder (dysthymia).

Many women experience mood changes before menstruation. Physical and emotional premenstrual symptoms that interfere with relationships or responsibilities are known as premenstrual syndrome (PMS). However, women who have emotional and physical premenstrual symptoms that seriously interfere with daily life may have a type of depression known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). For more information see the topic Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS).

Many health professionals see people with general symptoms that may be difficult to link to depression. These symptoms, which commonly occur with depression, include:

Having headaches and other body aches and pains.
Having digestive problems, including constipation or diarrhea.
Losing interest in sex or being unable to perform sexually.
Feeling anxious or worried without an obvious reason.
Blaming yourself or others for your depression.
Not moving or talking for hours.
Other symptoms of depression may include:

Overeating and weight gain (rather than loss of appetite).
Oversleeping (rather than insomnia).
Increased tearfulness, anger, and generally not feeling well, along with anxiety and tension.
Sometimes, a feeling of heaviness in the arms and legs.
Sensitivity to rejection.

Depression is a serious problem for people of any age, and older adults with symptoms of depression should seek treatment right away. Depression in older adults can cause confusion or forgetfulness (although some medications can cause these symptoms as well). Depression has also been identified as a significant risk factor for death in older adults with heart problems.

It is important to recognize the early warning signs of depression so that you can get treatment.

What Increases Your Risk

Several factors increase your risk for depression. Your risk of developing depression is up to three times greater than that of the general population if you have a father, mother, or sibling with depression. If you have had depression before, you are much more likely to have depression again.

Other risk factors for depression include:

A history of heart problems, such as coronary artery disease.
A serious, ongoing (chronic) illness, such as diabetes, cancer, or chronic pain.
Problems in your marriage.
Use of drugs or alcohol.
Use of certain medications that might trigger depression, such as steroids or narcotics for pain relief.
A stressful life event, such as losing a job or a loved one. This is especially true for older people who have many social stressors, such as becoming dependent upon others for care.
Certain medical conditions, such as anemia and thyroid disease.
Recent serious illness or surgery.
A childhood history of physical or sexual abuse.
Constantly worrying or being overly anxious.
An eating disorder or anxiety disorder.
Additional risk factors for depression in women include:

Recent childbirth. For more information, see the topic Postpartum Depression.
Use of birth control pills (oral contraceptives). However, for some women, birth control pills can improve mood.
A history of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (severe premenstrual syndrome, or PMS).

Author: Stuart J. Bryson Medical Review: Patrice Burgess, MD - Family Medicine

Sin Tu Amor

2007-12-17T08:41:00.000-08:00

Y ahora yo me muero sin tu amor...that's how I feel.

Life In Motion...Missing Someone

2007-12-08T20:53:00.000-08:00

Due to some reason, the Life in Motion pictures have to be removed from my blog. But the person who designed them is still here....:)
LIFE IN MOTION, the pictures.
Creatively designed by...

LIFE IN MOTION, the poem.
For the one who has touched the anatomy of my soul,

Whenever you aren’t around,
The clouds in the sky seems grey,
The stars lost their flickering light
And the world appears lifeless
Under the pale moon light.

Our life is a motion,
And so are our feelings,
Feelings of emptiness
When you are not in sight
Gradually make its shift to
Thoughts of loneliness
That leaves me in plight,
And sometimes of happiness
Each time I have you by my side.

With or without you, far or near you
I know our life is a motion,
We have to keep moving
And only through the grace of God
To be meeting you again
My life would then be intriguing.

If Only...

2007-11-27T06:32:00.000-08:00

My little secret fantasy when I was a kid, to live in the era of knights and dragons. This song brings me back to my old memories where I was deeply indulged in books about fairies and elves, princes and princesses, unicorns, knights and dragons. Life was so simple back then. If only I could turn back the clock...Puff The Magic Dragon was one of the best books I have read when I was a kid. I wish I still have the book with me so I can share it with my young ones.

Puff (the Magic Dragon)
(Lyrics by Peter Yarrow/Leonard Lipton)

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff's gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when Puff roared out his name. Oh!
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. Oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.

In Our Everyday Life...

2007-11-23T21:22:00.000-08:00

Hello darling nice to see you
It's been a long time
You're just as handsome as you used to be

How's your new love, are you happy?
Hope you're doing fine just to know this
means so much to me

What's that darling, how am I doing?
Guess I'm doing all right except I can't sleep
and I cry all night till dawn.

What I'm trying to say is I love you and I miss you
and I'm so sorry that I did you wrong

Hold me darling let me kiss you
just for old times sake
Let me hold you in my arms one more time

Thank you darling may God bless you
and may each step you take brings you closer
to the things you seek to find.

Goodbye darling I got to go now.
I got to try to find a way
to lose these memories of a love so warm and true.

And if you should ever find it in you heart
to forgive me come back darling
I'll be waiting for you.

Life is like the ocean, as the picture shown above, full of mysteries and secrecy. You can gaze and wonder at the ocean deep but the real truth remains unknown. Most of the times in our life, we tend to trample and hurt the feelings of the people who care for us. Why we do that, God knows. Next thing we know, we have lost them. Even though we are forgiven for the things we had said and done, it's still isn't the same. The wound may heal but the scar will remain in sight, for eternity. There is nothing much that we can do to get rid of the disfigurement.

With much regrets and deepest sorrow, all we can say is that "I am so sorry that I did you wrong..." This is merely another drama in life and understanding the drama in life is indeed a very difficult task for all of us. For me, the entire world is my school, and the experiences are my teachers. People say learning is a life long process, that is very true indeed. And as long as this little heart keeps beating, there are a lot more to learn and a lot more to experience!!

Something Is Happening...

2007-11-18T11:43:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep tonight. Still sitting here in front of my loyal laptop, she has been my bestfriend for the past four years. I don't know what would I do without her in my life :)

Upon hearing this song, I feel like ....ummm...dancing...maybe. One thing I know for sure, this song makes me happy, makes my heart blooms like the colourful flowers in spring. Even though I don't understand completely the meaning of the song but still it brings a smile to my face, lit up my mood a lil'. Kuch kuch hota hai...something is happening here in my heart. I can feel it. What exactly it is and why, I don't know myself. Well I guess that is the wonder of music. It is universal just like poems and poetry. We might not understand the language but the message is conveyed clearly in its very special own way.

The more I listen to this song, the more it reminds me of a very good friend of mine who understands what the song is all about. I have not heard from this good friend for a long, long time. Are you alright there, buddy?

To My Dear And Loving Husband

2007-11-10T07:09:00.000-08:00

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee, give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let s so persevere
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

by Anne Bradstreet(1678)

Found this beautiful love poem today. Her husband must have loved her so much that she can come up with something as beautiful as this. How I wish I can write something like that too...

Swan Princess says...

2007-11-07T04:22:00.001-08:00

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight

Give my all for your love
Tonight

Este Corazon

2007-11-02T04:09:00.000-07:00

"This Heart", the song that I love to listen to whenever I feel so blue...

"The Untouchables"

2007-10-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

Life is becoming so hectic, life as a wife, a mother, a teacher… Everything needs to be done, need to be attended to, every single thing. Not only my own children I have to “mould” and “shape” but as a teacher I have to do the same to all my students. And to do that these days to other’s children is definitely no simple matter. If 20 or 30 years ago, teachers are those who people look up to. No students dare to raise their face whenever their teacher preaches them. Even I myself, when I was a young student, do not dare to complain to my parents upon receiving slight strokes from my principal for not accomplishing my homework. I know if I were to do that, I will only receive more canings from my dad because of my own mistakes.

Today, for the numerous times, my credibility as a teacher is being “challenged” by my student. Everyone in the class saw this particular student has a mobile phone with her, she in fact, proudly busy taking pictures of her friends with it. When she noticed that I saw what she was doing and knowing very well that it is against the school regulations to bring mobile phones to school, she quickly tried to hide it. I know I cannot simply close one eye to this matter because other students will question me why I ignore such things. It will be unfair for the rest.

Despite knowing what trouble I will face with this particular student, I still have to do something about it. As I was walking towards her, she pretended to act as if nothing is happening. As expected, she denied that she has the phone with her and rudely asked me to “check” her. I was extremely angry upon such reaction from this girl; I could feel my blood rushes up to my face and head. She continued by asking me to speak in English because she cannot understand Malay language. And so I did. Even so, she still pretended not to understand me. I then knew that this girl is trying to make me a fool and I could easily give her a tight slap for that. But something rings in my head that the students nowadays are “untouchables”. You dare to touch them, means you’re in trouble. You might end up in court for that. Finally I took her to the principal’s office since she “cannot” understand neither English nor Malay language.

I don’t know what happened after that because I left her there. I guess I was angry at her mainly not because of her bringing the mobile to school, but due to her rude and impolite attitude. With her mocking face and non-stop talking in her language which I believed was cursing me, I felt like a complete idiot at that time. She knows very well I cannot do anything to make her hand over the mobile to me. That wasn’t the first time I encountered such incidents where students acted rudely and being disrespectful towards me. I feel challenged. I thought of ignoring these rude students. Who cares?? They are not my own children, why do I need to trouble myself and worry about them to this extent?

As a normal human being, I do have that kind of thoughts. But then again, I am a teacher. I have vowed to the government and nation to perform my best in my job. Hence, I cannot disregard these students. But frankly speaking, these “untouchables” make me so sick. Sometimes even make me feel like quitting my job permanently!!

A Shocking News

2007-10-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

I was busy bowling tonight with my family when my sister received a call from her colleague to inform her of sad news. Malaysian’s first cosmonaut, Dr. Sheikh Muszaphar’s younger brother died few hours ago after few days in a coma. He was only 32 years old and has no history in suffering any serious illness.

His parents were in Russia upon receiving the news that their beloved son passed out after walking into a pillar. They flew back to Malaysia immediately only to find their healthy son being treated in the I.C.U, unconscious. It was really a heartrending moment for the couple to witness such sight. And now they have to be extra strong to face this great test from Allah.

Dr. Sheikh has accomplished his mission successfully and has made all Malaysians so proud of him. He has just arrived safely from the outer space about a week ago. He is supposed to be in quarantine for a month to make sure that he is perfectly healthy. However, due to the sudden news about the death of his dearly loved brother, the Russians allow him to fly back to Malaysia to be with his family. And right now, when I am writing this entry, he is on his way back home.

At times like this, I don’t know whether or not to wish him welcome home. But what I know for sure is that I share this sadness and my deepest condolence to Dr. Sheikh and his family. I pray that you will face this grieve moment with much strength. It is indeed a great test from Allah for you and your family.

Al-fatihah.

The Love I Found In You

2007-10-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

You are the air I need to breathe
the river of life inside of me
you are the half that made me whole
you are the anchor of my soul

And you are strong when I am weak
you are the words when I can't speak
you never fail to see me through
that's the love I found in you

You are my shelter from the storm
you are the road that leads me home
and baby with you here face to face
Oh I know I've found my place

And you are strong when I am weak
you are the words when I can't speak
you never fail to see me through
that's the love I found in you

And once in every life
you find the one that's right
and when you say forever it's true
That's the love I found in you

You are strong when I am weak
you are the words when I can't speak
you never fail to see me through
That's the love I found in you

That's the love, love I found in you.

Lovely melody, beautiful words chosen, very inspiring and stimulating indeed. Thank you Jim for your wonderful masterpiece.

Eid ul Mubarak

2007-10-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

Some of the shots taken in the morning of Eid after the prayers...Pictures speak a thousand words, well perhaps in my case, not all :(

My Valentine

2007-10-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

The song that touches one's heart, reaches one's mind and feels deep into one's soul...

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I’d still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You’ve opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly

I’ve dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn’t love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You’re all I need, my love, my Valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
’Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You’re all I need, my love, my Valentine

...and will always shed tears to one's eyes.

Teenagers vs Parents

2007-10-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

As I was watching TV with my children on Friday night, I received a call from my colleague with shocking news – one of my students did not come home from school today! Has she been abducted like other girls?? Is my worst nightmare and my worst fear becoming a reality? My mind can’t help thinking about the worse that could happen. God, please make me wrong this time.

Not long after the first call, I received another ring from my principal. She wanted to know if the girl was at school today. Yes she was in class today and as her class teacher, I gave my principal the rest of other information needed. Then, after having a long conversation with her, I received a third call and this time it’s from the father of my missing student. He, too, wanted to know if his girl was at school today, whether she shows any signs of depression and if I know any of her activities after school. I told him what I know, through the eyes of his daughter’s class teacher.

Teenagers today are definitely not the same as before I guess. They are bolder and capable of doing things without thinking much of the consequences. Slight disagreement with their concerned parents, that’s it. Pack their bags and leave home. Little that they know there is abundance of predators out there waiting hungrily and viciously for their preys.

My dear young students,
Running away from home will not resolve any problems but will only create more. Everybody goes through the same phase and being a teenager is definitely not easy. The world seems to go against you; nobody seems to understand you, not your parents especially. All problems can be resolved. I wouldn’t say it is just a small problem because it is not for you.

But believe me, these problems that you face today are merely another step in making you a mature and an experience adult. We learn more through mistakes and experiences in life. However, please bear in your mind that you are not alone. Your teachers and counselors in school are always ever willing to help and guide you in making you see things better so you can make the right decision on your own. What you do today determines what you are tomorrow. Your parents are nobody but just an old couple who loves you more than their own lives. Do not break their hearts.

It is never easy being a teenager but trust me, it is even difficult to be a parent!

The Peculiar Drama In Life...

2007-09-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

It has been more than a week since late little Nurin was sent to heaven. But the story about her vicious murder can still be read in the newspapers. Personally, I still feel disturbed and very much uncomfortable knowing the fact that the crazy slayer(s) a.k.a the evil bastard(s) are still out there. I know the police are doing their very best to arrest the bastard(s) and to bring them to justice as soon as possible. So far, they have remanded 4 male suspects to facilitate investigations. And thanks to the FBI agents for coming here to Malaysia to assist in identifying blurred images from the CCTVs.

Like other mothers, I am just concerned too much about the safety of our children. I don’t feel safe taking my little-8-year-old girl shopping anymore, always making sure that I have her hand in mine, never let her out of my sight. And if I run into any young children who have the lost look on their faces, I keep an eye on them until I see the presence of their parents. Maybe I am being paranoid but I do feel that the evil beasts are everywhere looking for their next prey. These sick bastards are out there and they look just the same like any other normal people. Our young ones are no longer safe to walk and play in their own neighbourhood.

How do we overcome this social issue? Nurin wasn’t the first child victim who was brutally murdered and sexually tortured. There were a lot of other children victims who ended up their lives in the same tragic way. Apparently there are so many psychos and sick people out there. The police can arrest these sick killers sooner or later, but will that put a definite stop to all the killings?

Sometimes I wonder, what’s exactly in their head? What’s going on in their mind? What do they feel upon seeing the little children crying in so much pain and begging to spare their lives? Don’t the “so-called human beings” have mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces and relatives of their own? And as for the society, how do we identify these sick people and offer them help before they do anything beyond our thinking, before they harm our innocent children? How do we educate them and make them realise that all the killings are not acceptable in a normal and civilized culture? How do we reach these psychos or bastards, whatever we name them, before they "reach" our little ones?

I don’t understand this particular drama in life…weird, bizarre, strange, creepy? How do you call it?

May the mighty Lord guides us to the right path and helps us seek the answers, for He knows best and we do not know.

In Loving Memory of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin

2007-09-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

This poem is written for Nurin who has left us and this cruel world behind, seemingly far too young. Losing a child is the worst hurt of all; As a teacher and a mother of two, I feel the pain too. My deepest condolence to her family and friends. Be strong, God loves her more than we do.

In Loving Memory of Nurin Jazlin

My eyes welled up in tears
as I flipped the newspapers,
It never occurred to me
how much pain you’ve endured,
The severe pain that no one can imagine,
The extreme hurt that no one can picture.
The things they do to you
are beyond human’s ability,
beyond human’s capability.
Who are these evil beasts who have the heart
to hurt a beautiful, angelic-face girl as you?

No more shall your friends
witness your cheerful smile,
that lights up their days.
No more shall your family
feel your warm kisses
that brightens their nights.

Oh little angel, oh little one,
you shall be missed by all and everyone,
much more than words can say.

Take heed now little one,
'Cause no one can hurt you no more,
Stay there up above to watch the one you love.

May your soul now rest in peace.
Al-Fatihah

The Autumn Breeze

2007-09-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

The autumn breeze delivers your sweet kisses,
Softly whispers in my ears,
Gently caresses my skin,
Leaving me with a serene feeling.

We may be oceans apart, continents away,
But my love for you
Will be etched in your warm heart
And there forever it will stay...

My vow to you on your very special day.

Why The Little Angels?

2007-09-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

Lately our country is shocked to hear series of little innocent children who were kidnapped, sexually abused, raped and some were even killed, burnt or strangled to death. Today, almost a month after the disappearance of the 8-year-old Nurin, the country was once again traumatized by the news about a little girl’s body, found in a bag and being left in front of a shop. She was dreadfully tortured, sexually abused, raped and brutally murdered. God! She was in deep pain before she died!! I can’t help myself from shedding the tears as I read about it over the newspaper this morning.

As a mother, I feel disturbed by this kind of terrible news. I can never understand why on earth anyone would want to hurt these little angels. They are God’s greatest gifts; they should be greatly loved and protected, not to be mistreated, not to be battered this way. What is becoming to the people nowadays?? We are behaving like beasts each day. Nobody seems to care about anyone anymore. Today, the streets are no longer safe for the children.

To the sick people out there, one day you will pay for what you have done to these little angels. I am sure I am not the only one who pray for your death to be the most painful and excruciating way!!

To the family of the murder victims, there is no word that I can utter to comfort your grief. I share your pain and sorrow. My deepest condolence to you; May the Lord bestow upon you the strength to face these catastrophes. I believe your little angels are now safe in God’s hands up above.

Al-fatihah…

The Mechanical Of THE HEART

2007-08-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

Beneath the gleaming moonlight,
Underneath the dazzling stars,
The heart keeps beating fast,
Pumping the fear to all the veins,
Driving the pain to the feeble mind,
Thrusting the loneliness to the helpless body,
Propelling the twinge back to THE HEART…

When will the heart stop pumping fear to the veins?
When will the heart stop driving pain to the feeble mind?
When will the heart stop thrusting loneliness to the helpless body?
When will the twinge stop propelling back to the heart?
When? When? When?

When the day THE HEART stops beating...

When I Walk Down The Memory Lane...

2007-08-14T02:26:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I would listen to this song every night and day and memorising each of the lines by heart. At that time, I even felt my days were incomplete if I don't have this song to be played on my cassette player. Today, as I walk down the memory lane, I realised how much the song has affected my life. Like the song, I have lots of questions too, that I have yet to find the answer. The more I question myself, the harder and complicated life seems to be. I guess some of the things in life are not meant to be revealed, it is better left unanswered.

The song brings a lot of melancholy, heartbreaking, beautiful memories that skinned my heart from my teenage years until today. This song can bring smiles to my face, can welled up tears in my sombre eyes, both at the same time. For now and always, this evergreen song will have a very special place in my forlorn heart.

Malaysian Literature In English

2007-08-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

As I was flipping through my books today, I received a text message on my phone from my beloved sister saying that she has safely reached John F. Kennedy International Airport approximately a couple of hours ago. “Alhamdulillah…” I whispered to myself. She is one of the three lucky journalists from all over the world chosen to receive the Dag Hammarskjold Memorial Scholarship Fund of the United Nations Correspondents Association. Your message, Yanti, somehow triggers me to walk down the memory lane…
“Akak, look what I’ve found. Strawberry Shortcake!! I want to ask dad to buy for me.” Yanti tugged my dress to get my attention when we were at the toy section at Ipoh Metrojaya one afternoon.
“Hey, you better don’t. This doll is too expensive you know. Dad can’t afford it!”
“Dad...dad...Can you buy me this Strawberry Shortcake, pleaseeee?” Ignoring my warning, Yanti would scream at the peak of her voice without even noticing several customers nearby sneering at us for whatever reason, I wasn’t aware of at that time.
“Yanti, cuba jangan menjerit kuat-kuat. Malu orang dengar.”
Mak was a little pissed off to see her yelling and talking so loud. I suppose mak wasn’t angry at her but she was feeling ashamed because where ever we go people tend to look at us as if we were aliens. Why? This is due to the policy that my dad had which was to communicate in English Language amongst us the siblings as well as with him. “You can only speak Malay with your mak. If you don’t speak English with me or with each other, I will pull your cheeks.” That would be our punishment if we were to disobey him. And at that time, none of us dare to say no to him.

About thirty years ago the scenario mentioned was one of the many that my siblings and I used to experience before. We were seen as aliens for conversing in English Language but my army-like dad couldn’t care less what people would say about us. It was a burden for us at that time, to struggle to speak in English when the rest of our Malay friends and neighbours were speaking in Malay. We used to be labeled as “Melayu tak sedar diri”, “mengada-ngada”, “orang putih celup” and many other names that they could think of. However, now I can’t thank my dad enough for the policy that he had for us despite having the government to deprive the importance of English Language due to the approval of the National Language Act in 1967 and the Amendment Act of 1971 that is to have the Malay Language as the National Language. My English may not be as perfect as the native speakers and so are Yanti’s and the rest of my other siblings but we would not be what we are today if dad wasn’t aware of the significance of this colonial language.

Perhaps due to my own experience, I fully agree to the notion that the National Language Act of 1967 and the Amendment Act of 1971 have somehow caused several effects to Malaysian Literature in English even though the case is not permanent. Malaysian writers writing in English in the early 70s and 80s happened to be some of the people who faced the real impact. Personally, I don’t blame the government and the society at that time. To the government, they have to take suitable proceedings in order to make sure that the people of multi races stay united and to have an identity as a true Malaysian. At that point of time, language and culture seemed to be the government’s concern. And to the society, the language used during the colonial era was strictly rejected, as if to say whoever speaks in English does not love his or her country.

In other words, those who speak English were seen as less Malaysians. That was their perception of English at that time. In fact, not only the language is used as a yardstick to measure one’s nationalism but also to measure how Islamic one is. Speak English means you are seen as less Islamic. How about those studying and reciting the Holy Quran in English, does that make them less Muslims too? It isn’t surprising to see some of the first generation of the Malaysian English writers tend to back off and feel alienated in their own country. As a result, Malaysians do not produce any international and prominent writers like what they have in India. However, as for the Malaysian Laureate, Muhammad Haji Salleh, unlike some of his friends, he stopped writing poetry in the English language as a political statement of his total return to the Malay Language that was marginalised and humiliated by the British. According to him, he was deconstructing the colonialism within himself.

As well-educated group of people, personally I believe they should not be feeling alienated and should keep on writing in their choice of literary medium which is English to ensure the Malaysian Literature in English survives and has a brighter future. We are indeed in desperate need of more writers writing in English in order for us to have more writings and works that deal with the surroundings in our country. Hence, by having to have a wide range of writings in English by Malaysian writers will not only expose Malaysia to the rest of the world but also to provide more space in nation building.

Nevertheless, the needs for English have now made its way back. We are considered very lucky because nowadays we see more new English writers coming up, maybe not so much as mushrooms growing after rain, but we can see them bringing along wonderful and creative ideas in their writings. They write about the Malaysian landscape and settings, Malaysian culture, society, the difference ethnic groups and etcetera. Now we have writers like Shirley Lim, Tash Aw, Dina Zaman, Karim Raslan, to name just a few, providing us with numerous kinds of creative writings which can be brought forward to the international level. Up to this moment, we still do not have Malaysian English writers awarded as Nobel Laureates or even Poet Laureates internationally, but I strongly believe with the quality works by the Malaysian writers nowadays, we are moving towards it.

For me, in order for the Malaysian Literature in English to survive in future, it is essential for the society to be open and international as possible. However, one must not forget in his or her attempt to be open, it is significant not to abandon one’s tradition and lose one’s identity. Speaking of identity, one have to bear in mind that identity is not only shown through one’s language or mother tongue only but also through other various aspects of life. The ideal is to strike a balance that is to be open and international especially in terms of language and education and yet rooted in our own society, culture and tradition. The best example would probably be Muhammad Haji Salleh’s “Si Tenggang” in the “Si Tenggang’s Homecoming” where he is portrayed as a person who has to face both the new and the old tradition in order to be a modern person; that is the Malaysian of the future who is proud of his root and also proud to be a part of the bigger world outside.

Finally, in order for Malaysian Literature in English to survive, it is important for the writers to find more contemporary themes and dare to experiment more so they can produce good quality piece of writings. By doing so, I believe it can attract more audience amongst the younger generation especially and to have the Malaysian Literature in English to live on for now and always.

One Day With Nature

2007-08-05T01:12:00.000-07:00

My trip to Kuala Selangor was a fantastic one. I never thought that I could actually enjoy it but I did. To be free from the hustle and bustle of the city, it was such a serene and tranquil feeling…something that I have lost for quite some time. The bus left at about 1:30pm and after more than 2 hours, we reached our first destination, the Kuala Selangor Nature Park. We were greeted by a group of “friendly” monkeys, eyeing on us for any handbags or stuffs that they can snatch and make them their own. Well, not so fast monkeys…we were warned earlier of your "warm welcome" so we were quite prepared for that. Besides the Nature Park, we also visited the historical site, Bukit Malawati and later to watch millions of fireflies flashing their lights at Kampung Bukit Belimbing.

Here are some of the shots taken during my visit there.

My friends and their children were crossing the shallow river using the shaky rope bridge. It’s kind of fun and thrilling!! The Rope Crossing reminds me of my school where I was first posted after graduated as a teacher 17 years ago. We had something like this too in that village and the students use the same kind of bridge to cross the river to go to school.

Shall we continue our journey?

The trail to the watch tower.

The watch tower. There are three watch towers here that provide excellent views of the area. Accordng to the park ranger, this is the best spot to watch the birds and the best time is early in the morning and in the evening.

That's me at the mangrove walkway. The walkway takes us right into the mangrove forest. The walk also leads us to the mud flats and gives us a glimpse of the Straits of Malacca.

The park area is approximately 800 acres and shelters a wide variety of habitats. It includes secondary forest forming from degenerating mangrove forest, the estuary of the Selangor River, mangrove forest, mudflats and a man-made 25-acre brackish lake water system. These diverse habitats make the park an amazing place for animals to feed, roost and breed. The park is a sanctuary for many mammals and birds including migratory shore birds.

The Historical complex of Bukit Malawati. Here, we only took a train ride to go round the complex because we were too tired after the long walk at the Nature Park.

My kids and I, at the entrance to the jetty for a boat ride to watch the fireflies. Too bad we are not allowed to take any photos of the fireflies. Boating upstream to watch thousands of fireflies sparkling in the thick mangrove along both sides of the river banks was a wonderful experience for all of us. The flickering lights from the fireflies resembling rows of brightly lit Christmas trees. It was simply awesome!! You have to be there to believe it.

It was a tiring day. But my kids and I have enjoyed the trip. I, personally, felt so close to nature. I could smell the sweet aroma of the forest, I could hear the sound of the nature and I witnessed the most beautiful night with millions of bright stars in the clear sky and some "falling stars" on the trees. Simply peaceful and full of tranquility. How I wish I could capture this beautiful moment and place it in my time capsule where it shall live forever or simply freeze the time so in that way, the peacefulness I feel inside will remain for always.

Aim Of A Reading Program

2007-07-30T04:53:00.000-07:00

To enable students to enjoy (or at least be comfortable with) reading the foreign language, and read without help, unfamiliar authentic text at appropriate speed, silently and with adequate understanding. (Nuttal 1982)

To enable students
As teachers, we cannot force or make the students to memorize the language. Language cannot be transferred. Therefore, it is important for the teacher to develop language environment for the language skills to develop. Teachers have to prepare a condusive environment where extensive reading can take place not only in school but also at home, reading on their own.

to enjoy (or at least be comfortable with) reading the foreign language
It is important for teachers to prepare them with interesting materials to read. Students should be allowed to have the freedom to choose any book that they like (besides the non-halal material). This is to instil the habit of reading and make them feel that reading is a necessity. Once they get into the reading habit, then teacher can slowly make them read other materials like newspaper for instance which promote language across the curriculum.

and read without help
Teachers also must make sure that students can be an independent learner, autonomous reader. This is important for them so as to acquire the problem solving skills.

unfamiliar
Encourage students to read wide range of text. Varieties are important. Materials should always be new in terms of discourse structure. In coursebooks, there are two kinds of discourse structure; descriptive and non descriptive. It is also important for teachers to provide them with balance kind of text.

authentic text
Teachers encourage students to read something new, something which interest them. Encourage them to read newspaper. Besides having general knowledge, reading newspaper will help to improve the language skills. Brochures, leaflets and other authentic materials would be interesting.

at appropriate speed
Certain reader reads at a different speed. Even the same reader can read at a different speed too. The speed depends on:
1) The purpose of your reading - whether you read all or just to skim through.
2) The text factor - whether or not you are familiar with the text.

silently
This can corelate for a better understanding of the text.

and with adequate understanding
Not all the things you need to know or comprehend. It all depends on the purpose of your reading. For example, reading newspaper. You don't read from page to page all sections. Teachers need to train students to be a flexible reader or a strategic reader that fits in the real life situation.

Mi Profesor Español

2007-07-25T05:34:00.000-07:00

Mi profesor español en su mejor actitud. Y del fondo de mi corazón, quisiera expresarte mi gratitud para todo que me has dado.

Ya calmados tus enojos,
Ya pagados mis errores,
Yo tengo que decirte mi verdad.
Tu eres el amor de mis amores.

No te culpo si no vuelves
Te comprendo si me olvidas.
Pero algo mas te quisiera decir
El maldito causal de tus heridas

Gracias por tanto amor,
Gracias por existir
Gracias por darle el sol
A mi vivir.

Gracias por tanto amor,
Gracias por existir
Pensando en lo que fue
Puedo vivir.

Te gane con mis verdades
Te perdi por mis mentiras
Sabras que es caro el precio que pague
Sabras de mi dolor si mi alma miras.

No te culpo si no vuelves
Te comprendo si me olvidas.
Pero algo mas te quisiera decir
El maldito causal de tus heridas

Gracias por tanto amor,
Gracias por existir
Gracias por darle el sol
A mi vivir.

Gracias por tanto amor,
Gracias por existir
Pensando en lo que fue
Puedo morir.

Gracias mi amor...

We Are The Champions!!

2007-07-17T04:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, we can!! Yes, we are the champion for this year’s choral speaking competition which was held on the 15th July 2007 at Subang Parade. Oh boy!! After all the hard work and intensive practices that we had in two weeks, we finally made it. My students were so happy that some even shed their tears. I found tears rolling down my cheeks too, the minute the MC announced our team as the new champion. To be honest, I didn’t expect my team could win as this was their first exposure and other teams were equally awesome. The judges must have loved the way my students presented their poem, Malaysian Eating Frenzy.

From the bottom of my heart, I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to all that have helped us. This is not only the team’s victory but each and every members of the school. It’s our success, our glory…the triumph of SMK Seksyen 4 Bandar Kinrara!!

**blink…blink...** I don’t know what else to say. Yes, I am too happy for the success of my students!!

Here are some of the shots taken before and during the competition:

Our final practice just before we leave for the competition.

The talented Divya and Hui Wen, making sure that no one forgets their lines. My two little princesses, Allysa and Alya can be seen here, wishing they could be a part of the contestants too.

Zhong Zeng at the top of his voice, wondering what is it that Malaysians really like to do.

Hui Wen, on stage with the trophy and the mock cheque.

The happy faces of the winners!!

To all my beloved students of 1T,
Anything is possible if we are determined in whatever we do. CONGRATULATIONS!! This is just the beginning...:)

Biarlah Rahsia

2007-07-07T01:37:00.000-07:00

Pernahkah Kau Bermimpi Seketika
Berada Di Tempatku
Membayangkan Pahit Manis Berlalu
Entah Siapa Yang Tahu

Mungkin Nanti Kau Jua Merasakan
Berdepan Dengan Kata Menyesakkan
Takkan Tugumu Kebal
Tiada Pertimbangan

***Keheningan Malam Membangunkan
Kepayahan Jiwa Meluahkan
Andai Kau Jujur Memahami
Tiadaku Menjauhi

***Dan Kisahku Yang Masih Panjang
Menambahkan Berat Yang Memandang
Lantas Ku Pendam
Ku Putuskan Biarlah Rahsia

Semakin Aku Hidup Dalam Cinta
Tiada Kuasa Mampu Menghalangnya
Hentikan Kata Kata
Bertulangkan Dusta

Atado A Tu Amor

2007-07-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

Esta canción lo dice todo. Me atan de hecho a tu amor.

No llames la atención
ni sigas provocandome
Que ya voy comprendiendo cada movimiento
Me gusta lo que haces
para conquistarme
para seducirme
para enamorarme
Y vas causando efecto
No sabes cómo me entretienen tus locuras
Y que para verte invento mil excusas
Has dejado en jaque todos mis sentidos
Pones a prueba el motor
que genera los latidos
de cada ilusión

Mira lo que has hecho que he caido preso
(en tu cuerpo y en tu mente)
Y en un agujero de tu corazón
(en todo estás presente)
Y la libertad te juro no la quiero
(si estoy contigo)
dejame atado a este amor
atado a este amor

Acabo de pasar la línea de tu encanto
donde solo mirarte es un paisaje nuevo
Y tejes las cadenas que amarran mi sexo
que endulzan mi alma
que tienen mi mente
y someten mi cuerpo

Y para que dejar que pase y pase el tiempo
si tu y yo preferimos comernos a besos
Has dejado en jaque todos mis sentidos
Pones a prueba el motor
que genera los latidos
de cada ilusión

Es importante
Es urgente
Que te quedes a mi lado
Inventaré los motivos
que sean necesarios
para estar cerca de tí

Be My Friend Forever

2007-06-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

Tired of feeling all by myself
Being so different from everyone else
Somehow you knew I needed your help
Be my friend forever

I never found my star in the night
Building my dream was far from my sight
You came along and I saw the light
We'll be friends forever

...And so the song speaks my mind...

2007-06-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU

WHY?

2007-05-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even when you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

My Chemical Romance

2007-05-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

Fall in love with this song lately..."I Don't Love You" by mi hijo's favourite band. "...I don't love you like I loved you yesterday..." Perhaps that's because today I love you even more!!!!! Whatever it is, this song is really cool, I enjoy listening to it. Anybody care to join me head banging? Yeaahhhhh :)

Historia De Un Amor

2007-05-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

Julio...you make me feel like dancingggggggggg!!!!!!!!

Why Weblogs in ESL Classroom?

2007-05-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

I believe that blogging serves a lot of beneficial experiences to the students. As English teachers, we have to furnish our students with the newest technology in communicating; hence we cannot afford to close one eye to the importance of blogging. Weblogs have the potential to be the latest tool for teaching of language and it provides new way to access authentic reading and writing skills. It is not only exciting for the teachers but also gives students good reasons to enjoy reading and writing.

Here are some of the reasons why I feel it is encouraged to use blogs as a language teaching tool:

1. To provide a real audience to student writing. Normally only the language teacher will read the student writing but through weblogs students will be able to experience real audience who, apart from their teacher, may include their peers, students from other states and may even be anybody from other countries around the world.

2. Student collaboration. Student can easily read each others’ work as they are link to one another. This encourages them to learn from their peers and see the different styles of writing and approaches to assignments. Hence, they share learning experiences on the web without being familiar with web publishing.

3. Help students to realise that writing is an ongoing process. By writing and updating their blogs, students will learn to appreciate that writing is indeed an ongoing process but with the added bonus of an interactive audience, authentically communicative.

4. Writing blogs is less formal and less threatening. Research has shown that people behave differently when communicating online compared to a face-to-face situation. Therefore, students will be able to write freely and without self-consciousness. Students who are shy in class will be able to find their voice when given the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings in the weblogs. The notion of anonymity can be a major help for the students to cut down their anxiety and gradually develops their confidence in writing.

5. As an online portfolio of student written work. Students gained a lot of benefits by having a portfolio of their work. They can easily return to previous work and evaluate the progress they have made during the course.

6. To provide extra reading practice to the students. Students will not only read their blogs everyday but they also tend to read others’ as well and respond to their reading. Besides reading the blogs, students too will have the chance to read more related articles in the links and sites suggested by their teacher.

7. Help develop critical thinking skills. Since the students are exposed to various resources and diverse viewpoints this may indirectly develop their critical thinking skills.

To all my students who have enjoyed blogging, keep up your good work and keep writing.

Secreto De Amor

2007-05-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

Somebody says some things in this life are meant to be left as a secret... Se puede?

Off To The Torture Chamber

2007-05-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

It has been a disaster for me for these past couple of weeks. I have gone through a lot of stress and depression lately. I am so frustrated with my students particularly, they are becoming so barbaric each day. I don't know, perhaps this is how they are like all this while. I am new here in this school, and when I was given this class to be under my care, I promised myself that I would do something to change their barbaric attitude. I know I can't change them overnight and turn them to be brilliant students, but at least I want to change them to be polite and know how to respect their teachers and peers.

I have enjoyed teaching the primary students. My 12 years of teaching in 4 primary schools had been a wonderful and blissful experience for me. I am not saying it is not tiring and hectic teaching younger students, but I never encountered any problematic students like what I face today. Frankly speaking, here in my current school, I don't feel the satisfaction in teaching anymore. I am always excited to teach Literature and I wish to share lots of teaching/learning activities with them. Unfortunately, most of my students in this one class do not seem to be interested in studying Literature, in fact they are not keen on studying anything. I wonder why at this young age, they seem to lose their interest in their studies. It is not that they aren't aware that only education can bring better future for them, but they just don't care. I have tried my best talking to them personally, trying to convince and persuade them. After all this is going to be their final year in school. But the more I talked to them the more they drifted away from me. I feel sorry for their parents, I don't know what to do to help them.

Life as a teacher in a secondary school, especially when you have a school like mine, can really be tormenting. Everyday when I walk to class I feel like I am walking towards the torture chamber where I will be punished and emotionally tortured by these fellow students of mine. I have to be strong, I have to do something about this. I don't want any events like this drag me down. I have to put an end to this, once and for all!

Someone says...Soy un idiota

2007-05-05T03:19:00.000-07:00

Someone once said to me...

"Hola mi amor
sé que cambiaste tu número de teléfono
y sé que cambiaste hasta el color de tu pelo,
porque empiezas una nueva vida sin mí.
Sabes amor, deseo que encuentres toda la felicidad
que yo soñaba poder darte
no lo logré, perdóname.

Sé que te marchaste sin saber,
sin escuchar, sin comprender
que hay una daga envenenada aquí en mi pecho,
el mal ya está hecho ahora...

Sé que no merezco tu perdón
que lastimé tu corazón,
hoy me avergüenzo fui el motivo de tu llanto
queriendote tanto pues;

Te amo, te amo
soy un idiota te perdí, pero te amo
te amo, te amo
soy un idiota te perdí, pero te amo.

No, no puedo exigir que me perdones
mis errores son graves y es muy duro,
caminé por la senda equivocada
cuando me diste amor, ése amor puro;
hoy no sirven de nada mis pregones
cuando quise volver ya era muy tarde,
caminé por la senda equivocada
y te hice llorar, soy un cobarde.

Sé que otro amor encontrarás
que te de luz, que te de paz
que te de todo lo que yo no supe darte
quisiera abrazarte, pero
se que no merezco tu perdón
que lastimé tu corazón
y hoy naufrago en este mar de tu abandono,
ni yo me perdono y...

Te amo, te amo
soy un idiota te perdí, pero te amo
te amo, te amo
soy un idiota te perdí, pero te amo
te amo, te amo
Soy un idiota te perdí, pero te amo...

Te amo, te amo
soy un idiota te perdí, pero te amo
te amo, te amo
soy un idiota te perdí, ... pero te amo"

I don't know what to believe anymore. All I can say is...mi vida, por qué? Ya no entiendo. Lo siento.

Don't Fall In Love With A Dreamer

2007-05-02T04:05:00.000-07:00

Today my friend told me that she was ditched by her boyfriend. He left her for another girl whom he met about 3 months ago. She was very upset that she can't stop crying. I told her to try to get some sleep so she can forget him for a lil while but her tears kept running down her cheeks like beads of pearls fallen from its broken string. I didn't know what to do or how to help her as I have warned her many times that his boyfriend only wants her for pleasure, only when he has no one to share his love with. But she would not believe me, she trusted his love, she trusted that he will not ditch her for any reason. She can't stop asking me what has she done wrong, where did the magic between them go? How can he easily forget everything that they have shared all this while?? He no longer needs his daddy's lil girl. She feels so lost, she feels stabbed from behind, she feels betrayed, she feels cheated.

I feel very sorry for my friend, I can feel her deep pain and suffering but I can't stop telling myself what an idiot she was for falling in love with a dreamer like her boyfriend. I have never seen anyone so unlucky in love like her before. I don't know what is wrong with her. It's like a curse for her. Everytime she falls in love, she fails. She always get herself hurt by the man she loves. Even she is a total failure in her marriage too!!!

One lesson that I have learnt from her dreadful and painful experience is that never give your heart and love wholeheartedly to any man because none of them are worth it. Cheat them before they cheat you. NO MAN IN THIS WORLD APPRECIATES THE LOVE A WOMAN CAN OFFER HIM.

My dearest amiga, never fall in love with a dreamer and this song is for you.

Don't fall in love with a dreamer
'Cause he'll always take you in
Just when you think you've really change him
He'll leave you again
Don't fall in love with a dreamer
'Cause he'll break you every time
Put out the light and just hold on
Before we say goodbye

Everytime

2007-04-27T18:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just can't get rid of someone that easily...This song says it all.

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on
Without me

And everytime I try
To fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see
You in my dreams
I see your face
It's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try
To fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see
You in my dreams
I see your face
You're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

And everytime I try
To fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see
You in my dreams
I see your face
You're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

More pics as promised...

2007-03-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

More pictures during my stay in Penang...

KOMTAR, viewed from the ferry.

A room with a view.

My favourite, always find my eternal peace whenever I look at this picture.

My first encounter with the Prime Minister, YAB Datuk Seri Abdullah Hj Ahmad Badawi. Manage to "catch" him just as he was leaving from the conference room at Evergreen Laurel.

That's me!!!!

The Come Back

2007-03-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

Here I am again after such a long time I've been away from my blog. My life has been pretty busy and hectic lately, with school work and stuffs. I am now teaching in a school in Bandar Kinrara, approximately 15 kms away from home. It's quite a big school with an enrolment of about 1500 students. I have to leave for school very early in the morning everyday to beat the traffic, otherwise I will not reach school on time. Life in this school, urghhhhhh...can drive me mad sometimes. Too many things to do, too many paperwork, I hardly have time to prepare any suitable materials for my weak students. God! Please give me the strength to carry on, bestow me with the knowledge to manage my time properly so I can help my fellow students better.

Anyways, I had a great time during the mid semester holidays last week. After such a long long time, I finally had a lovely vacation with my family. We decided to spend our holidays in Penang. The 5 day stay in an apartment suite at Gurney Hotel, Penang was simply exciting. I even got the chance to meet our beloved Prime Minister personally at Evergreen Laurel Hotel when he was there for a meeting. Here are some of the shots taken during my stay there.

On the ferry to Penang Island, that's baby Ali and his mama.

My two little princesses, Allysa and Alya at their best pose.

My brother, Boboy.

The beach where we had lunch.

More pictures to come......( Cam low in bat...hehehe)
I'm off to bed now. Nighty nite...

Este Corazon

2006-12-21T08:30:00.000-08:00

My latest favourite soundtrack by RBD...

Cómo poder recuperar tu amor
Cómo sacar la tristeza de mi corazón
Mi mundo solo gira por tí

Cómo sanar este profundo dolor
Siento correr por mis venas tu respiración
Estoy tan conectada a ti
Que hasta en mis sueños te veo, sin ti yo me muero

Y este corazón que te robaste cuando te marchaste
Y te marchaste con mis besos
Con mis besos y mis sueños

Y este corazón está latiendo cada vez más lento
Y estoy sintiendo en mis adentros
Cómo el fuego no se apagó
No se apagó

Cómo calmar esta profunda obsession
Cómo le explico a mi alma que se terminó
Me estoy volviendo loco por ti
Y hasta en mis sueños te veo
Sin ti yo me muero

Y este corazón que te robaste cuando te marchaste
Y te marchaste con mis besos
Con mis besos y mis sueños

Y este corazón está latiendo cada vez más lento
Y estoy sintiendo en mis adentros
Cómo el fuego no se apagó

Sigue ardiendo, sigue ardiendo
Mientras exista el amor
No se apagó el amor

Uooooo uoooooo
Y este corazón

Y este corazón que te robaste cuando te marchaste
Y te marchaste con mis besos
Con mis besos y mis sueños

Y este corazón está latiendo cada vez más lento
Y estoy sintiendo en mis adentros
Cómo el fuego no se apagó

You Raise Me Up

2006-12-09T21:01:00.000-08:00

In the journey of our lives, we encounter with a lot of obstacles, hardship and crucial moments. Life can be so difficult and can even be meaningless sometimes. It is at this point of time that we need lots of support and encouragement from the people who care for us. They can be families and friends. I am lucky to be acquainted with very good friends from all walks of life. Some friends do wonders to me and the most amazing about them is that some I have not met in person. Simply keeping in touch through emails and phone calls.

This song is dedicated to all my friends and families out there who have helped me a lot in going through the calamities in my life. Thank you for all the good things you bring to my life. No words can express how much you mean to me, no dictions can barely explain how grateful I am to you.

When I am down and oh my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

There is no life no life without it's hunger
Each restless heart beat so imperfectly
But when you come and I am filled with wonder
Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be.

A Gleam Of Happiness

2006-12-09T07:34:00.000-08:00

Today I am the most happiest person on earth. No, I did not win any lottery nor did I win any grand prize in a competition. The reason for my happiness today might mean nothing to some people but it sure does bring a lot of joy to me. I am in high glee today when I found that my blog has the song of my choice. And my gratitude should go to no one else but to a very good friend of mine whom I have never met in my life.

You know how hard I have tried for these past couple of weeks trying to accomplish this task of mine, but I always end up failing. But thanks to you. Despite being busy with your work load, you still have time to fulfill my request with patience and with no complaints. Thank you again S!!!

It does not take much to make me smile with joy and to have a gleam of happiness in my heart...just like the beam of morning sunrays.

Lovely Petals That Brighten My Day

2006-11-30T15:53:00.000-08:00

Lovely petals shine so bright,

In the midst of warm summer day,

Looking at you enlightens my plight,

Wishing that you'll never leave me astray.

Beautiful petals o my beautiful petals,

I wonder...

Have you ever taste, in any point of your short life,

the grief of being lonesome?

Swan Princess

Endless Love

2006-11-28T10:04:00.000-08:00

I have watched the movie "Endless Love" when I was young but I don't quite remember the storyline. The only thing I remember well is the soundtrack from this movie. I can never forget the beautiful and the sweet voice of Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross. Hence, I want to preserve and immortalize this song in my blog. Enjoy the song!!

My love
There’s only you in my life
The only thing that’s right
My first love
Your every breath that I take
Your every step I make
And I...I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do
And your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Oh, yes you will always be
My endless love

Two hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives has just begun
Forever
I’ll hold you close in my arms
I can’t resist your charms
And love...I’ll be a fool for you
I’m sure
You know I don’t mind
You know I don’t mind
cause you
You mean the world to me
Oh, I know
I know I found in you
My endless love
Oh and love
I’ll be that fool for you
I’m sure
You know I don’t mind
You know I don’t mind
And yes
You’ll be the only one
cause no one can’t deny
This love I have inside
And I’ll give it all to you
My love...my love...
My endless love...

Speechless

2006-11-26T08:15:00.000-08:00

My eyes got blinded,
my mind, my heart is nothing but an empty space,
nothing much to say...

A Visit To The Lost World Of Tambun

2006-08-26T03:44:00.000-07:00

This place is simply awesome. I am glad I decided to spend my holiday with my loved ones here in The Lost World, too bad dad couldn’t make it. This water theme park is similar to The Sunway Lagoon in Petaling Jaya but it has its own special attraction. The theme park is beautifully adorned with abundant tropical plants and majestic ruins to give the idea of a lost world. The best thing is that it is surrounded by limestone cliffs and lively, virgin jungle. The eye of heaven shines brightly on that day but that did not stop any of us from splashing into the awaiting wave pool. It was just too tempting!! We really had lots and lots of fun there, especially the kids.

Well, people say pictures speak a thousand words. Here are some of the shots I had during the visit my family and I had couple of days ago. [Oh yes, please don’t mind the dates on the pictures, I forgot to reset the dates in my cam.]

The happy faces of Haziq, Allysa and Alya

My sister Yanti and I, with Allysa, Alya and Baby Imran.

Baby Imran's first dip in the pool!!

Taking a train ride around the area. Feeling tired Haziq?

Say cheese mummy...

One of the special attractions in The Lost World is the hot mineral water from the Tambun natural hot springs, which is well-known for its therapeutic and healing properties. Well, my sis and I did not miss the opportunity to rejuvenate and indulge ourselves in the hot spring. Kinda warm but very relaxing…

The exquisite limestone cliffs and its lively jungle!

At the end of the day, all of us were exhausted but we had a splendid day in The Lost World!!

Awan Yang Terpilu

2006-08-18T23:43:00.000-07:00

Kerana cinta aku kembara
Bagai camar melintas laut
Mencari pohon untuk berteduh

Kerana cinta aku kembara
Ikut lagu bisikan hati
Mendamba kasih paling setia

Sepasang sayap tak terlihat
Umpama mimpi yang tersimpan
Jadi rintik-rintik hujan
Menciptakan
Awan yang terpilu

Puisi ini tercipta lantas
Tak kesampaian hajat meronakan
Gelora rindu ku kepadamu

Ingin sekali aku ungkapi
Isyarat jiwa dengan sempurna
Biarkan kau mengerti biarkan kau sedari
Keadaanku yang memujamu

Mi RC

2006-08-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

En la de distancia te puedo ver quado to tu photos mi ciento a ver...

Where Art Thou?

2006-08-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

Oh my, oh my, where art thou,
Miss thy kisses, miss thy smiles,
Thou art all I ever wanted,
Am I all thy ever need?

Words left unspoken,
Questions left unanswered,
My heart thou have stolen,
Merely to get it unattended.

In the summer night I reach for thee,
Thou ignored and leave me disheartened,
It hurts me inside my expression has no glee,
To know that now I am being forgotten.

~Swan Princess~

Simply me

2006-08-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Words left unspoken,
Voices left unheard,
My heart has been stolen,
Simply to get myself hurt.

For now, let my soul rest to sleep.
~Swan Princess~

Dear Blog...

2006-08-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I send any postings to my blog. It’s not that I do not have anything to say or write but my routine has changed a lil. I have been pretty busy and I don’t come online as often as before. In other words, I play a different role now. No more as a student but as a teacher instead. And to be a teacher in one of the premier schools in a big city down south and to be sent away far from my children is really a big challenge for me. It is not easy to lead my life without having my two gems by my side for they are my strength. God knows how much I miss them.

However, I still consider myself very lucky to be posted to English College. All the teachers are very helpful and I am glad that I have a bunch of wonderful students. Well some of them can be naughty at times, but that’s okay with me because boys will always be boys! I have yet to know how long I will be in this school. But I truly hope that my application to transfer will be approved soon, at least by the end of this year so that I could be together with my Haziq and Allysa again.

Mi Amor, Eres Todo En Mi

2006-07-15T06:54:00.001-07:00

Audio:ana
by wedfwog

The Hues of The Sunset

2006-07-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

Found my peace and tranquility during the sunset at Pengkalan Balak. I wish I could turn back the clock and capture that beautiful moments again.